Peers for Pride Wonderments

6/27

2011-06-27T16:59:00.004-05:00

Calling People Out

2011-05-13T23:43:00.001-05:00

I’m pretty ashamed of myself today. I speak so much about speaking up and standing up for what’s right, and today…I couldn’t do it. I struggled so much today to call out by best friend’s boyfriend. All week that he’s been here in Austin, he has said so many degrading words. (“That’s gay.” “Faggot.” “That little bitch.” “Bitch” “He raped that.”) Every time he said something degrading or insulting, a part of my soul threw up. And I know he isn’t prejudice or anything like that, he is just not educated. The thing is that I know where he is coming from and understand that where he lives and how he has been raised, this is his normality. Now, I’m not saying that it excuses his behavior, but what I am saying is that I see where he is coming from and that allows me to better understand those that don’t think like I do. And if I continue to understand those that think and act like him, then that might allow me to better reach out to them and call them out on their behavior. But here’s the thing, I’m in Peers for Pride so I can do my part in this world and in our community to create change, and one way to create this change is to call people out. Did I do this all week? NO! NO I DID NOT! Why?! Because I was scared. It isn’t easy to call people out when you think it’s inappropriate. For some reason I feel as though, when you try to stand up for something you believe in, other people tend to make you feel ashamed for you calling them out on something. They treat the situation as though it was something that you did wrong, which doesn’t make any sense at all!

Calling out people is a hard thing to do in our society. People don’t like it when you point out something that they did wrong. So how can queer people and allies do our job without getting hurt? Because let’s face it, this isn’t a safe thing to do. One, you have to be emotionally stable to stand up to someone because if you decided to say something, and call a person out, you don’t know how that person is going to react. That person might start to scream and yell at you! And if you’re not having a good day, and you call them out, chances are, you might break down crying. Two, you also have to be prepared to give them a reason why it isn’t cool for them to be saying whatever it is they are saying; which means that you might have to be a little bit on the educated side when you decided to call someone out. And three, you have to be careful in general on who you call out…what happens if you decided to call someone out that clearly looks unstable, are you going to still call them out even if you know there might be a throw down that might happen?

Today, I couldn’t call him out. I can try to analyze and figure out why I didn’t call him out, but that doesn’t change the feeling of shame of the fact that I didn’t do my job to protect those that do get offended when words like that are called. I know I get offended! I mean, my soul did throw up every time I heard him say something. But I want to try harder on calling people out, and I want for whoever reads this to know that calling people out is a hard thing to do! But by doing so, you make one more step to making things better in and around your community, it just take’s small steps to make change happen. This could be one of them, and you can be a part of that!

http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/psa.asp?play=tvspots&video=TV_FittingRoom_30

Bisexual vs. Pansexual

2011-05-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

Definitions:

Bisexual – is a person that is physically and/or romantically attracted to both males and females. Its prefix bi refers it’s romantic and/or sexual attraction to the two genders.

Pansexual – is a person who views gender and sex insignificant or irrelevant in determining their sexual attraction. It is often viewed that pansexuality rejects the gender binary and at times, will be referred to as gender-blind.

Now that the definitions are clear, I wanted to talk about my own sexuality and what it means to me. I decided to share this with everyone because I believe that anyone who identifies as queer tends to have difficulties accepting who they are. And I wanted to address these two specific identities.

Since I can remember, I have always identified as Bisexual, however there was a point in my life that I took on the identity of Pansexual. Now, I would like to clarify that both identities were not taken seriously. People who view Bisexual view it as a phase, sexually active, their greedy, can’t make up their minds, are more prone to spreading HIV/AID’s, and the main one that I clearly remember is that, Bisexual’s are clearly mentally unstable and sick. If you think that that was bad, people who view Pansexual’s isn’t pretty either. The main stereotype that I continued to hear was, “Oh! So you can fall in love with a tree?” For some reason, people tend to believe that, if a person identifies as Pansexual, then that means that the person may/could fall in love when ANYTHING! A Pansexual can fall in love with a table or a tree? No. That’s just not how it works.

Now I could go on forever talking about the unjust of how people view both of these identities, but I wanted to mostly concentrate on more of an abstract point of view. I had always said that I am attracted the person themselves. I tend to say that “I’m not only physically attracted to that person, but I’m also attracted to their personality. Without their personality, then there would be nothing.” With that said, wouldn’t that classify me as Pansexual? BUT, I clearly am attracted to the person’s sex. Which brings me to the other point, can I fall in love with someone who is transitioning? Does being Bisexual mean that your ONLY restricted to male and females? This is where I get confused and frustrated with myself because I feel as though I don’t truly fall for the persons personality because I have to be physically attracted to them, AND if I don’t find a transitioning person attractive enough, does that make me a bad person? Why can’t I just be attracted to everyone?

Why does having a sexual attraction have to be so complex! Can’t I like whoever I want to like. And can’t I just have flings with whoever I want to have flings with, because that’s what we are really talking about. I’m talking about the fact that both these labels have to deal with sexual identity. AND that’s what all this is about…LABELS. I’m sick of them, and they confuse the shit out of me. I’m sorry, but I would like to be able to be comfortable in my own sick and be able to be with whomever I want to be with, without any judgment. IS THAT SO MUCH TO FREAK ASK FOR?

Taking Back My Night

2011-05-13T14:08:00.001-05:00

I wish I had done this blog sooner, but someone’s story encouraged me to speak my mind and speak out.

Not too long ago, Voices Against Violence held an event during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, called Take Back the Night. For those that don’t know what Take Back the Night is, it is a night where people that have been sexually assaulted get to take back their night of being victimized. This is a chance for those to express their story at open mic. That night I expressed my story, but there were some parts that I did leave out because I was still not ready to confront what had happened to me. For right now, let me start with what I said at Take Back the Night.

*warning: this is triggering material. Keep in mind to take care of yourself, and stop reading when you feel triggered.*

It has been four years now that my life took a bad turn. It was New Years Eve of 2005, and by this point I was just starting my new life in college. I was finally away from my parents, away from high school, away from the hate of my sexual orientation, away from the place that I called home. I still long for that day to call it home again. But that’s not what I thought then. No, I thought that my home was my then girlfriend. She was my home, but my home was falling apart. I felt something terrible wrong in my home. Fights were happening left and right, name calling, worthlessness, thought of suicide, cheating…my home was falling apart and in my mind, I could save it by going back to where I grew up. All we needed was to hold each other. So for Christmas break, I went “home.” Little did I know, there was more than what I knew, and my home had changed. It felt like someone had broken in and completely desecrated the place. I was so lost and confused. I felt like I had no one. I couldn’t turn to my parents, so I sot comfort from my best friend. At 19, she had a family, for a couple of days; I was part of her family. I was with them almost every day, trying to make sense of what happened, still, just wanting my “home” back.

It was New Years Eve of 2005 and my best friend and her husband wanted me to party with them. I really was not in the mood but I went with them. I didn’t want to drink but I still had one or two. We went to a friend’s party and I chatted here and there. Then my best friend and her husband were ready to leave. Rocio, the best friend, was drunk, but I knew her all too well, she was just pretending. She tends to do that. When we got to their place, Rocio’s two sisters, and her newly born baby was asleep in the next room. I too just wanted to sleep, so I got on the couch, about to get ready for sleep, and that’s when Rocio and Sam (her husband) wanted me to continue drinking. I really didn’t want to; I just wanted the night to be over. But they were still making me the drink. Rocio comes over and tries to give me the drink, she starts forcing it on me. Putting the drink to my lips, forcing me to open my mouth, dropping the alcohol all over my pretty blouse, I stopped her and said, “Fine. Give me a class of water and I’ll drink both.” She brings me the glass of water. I take two sips from the drink she made me and the next thing I know, everything is a blur. One minute, I had the drink in my hand and the next minute it was on the floor. One minute, I was sitting up and the next I was laying down. Then Rocio laid down too and started to touch herself. Then she started to touch me. I just remember me telling her to stop, “no, stop,” and yelling for Sam, and telling him to stop her. For some reason, I couldn’t move. I would tell myself to move but I couldn’t. I felt something wrong. I knew I only had two drinks, “I can think clearly but why is this happening.” It all felt like a dream. Sam did come to stop her, but only to fuck her. He fucked her right next to me and somehow I became included into their sex. From here on, was bad. To explain is hard. The memories are scattered and blurred. One memory was him on top of me and other memory was her sharp, long, nails that were cutting me “down there.” A memory of just pain. Sheer pain. Uncontrollable pain. I remember one moment where I thought the pain would just go away, that my body was going to adapt to whatever they were sticking in me but it didn’t. It hurt the entire time. For hours I was raped. Over and over and over. Hours. I kept blacking out because of the drugs they gave and because of the pain. I felt like I no longer had a vagina. I remember screaming saying, “Stop. Stop!” I tried to fight back, but it was two against one. I tried so hard. For hours. Hours of pain. Nonstop pain. They did everything you could imagine to me. And I couldn’t stop it.

After that night, my whole life was gone. I wasn’t me anymore. I was this body, with no soul. I never reported them. I was afraid people wouldn’t believe me, or that I deserved it for having relations with another girl. I also didn’t want my parents to know. They still don’t know what I’ve gone through. They wouldn’t understand if I told them.

That was my story that I told at TBTN. And I look at it now, and I think that, just because I had liked both men and women didn’t mean that I was going to be up for anything.

I plan to continue my story one day. It’s hard to actually put my chaotic life on paper, especially when it’s a survivor’s story. Yeah, I said it, I consider myself a survivor. Then again, at times I don’t feel like I’m a survivor, but I guess that’s what you go through when traumatic events like this happens to a person. I have gone through so much in my life, and honestly, this is the first time that I’ve put my story in a public setting where anyone can see it any time they like. It’s a big step for me, but it feels right. I feel like my story is important for people to know who identify as queer because I know it was hard for me to say anything to anyone because of the fear of how people where going to treat me.

As of today, my journey has taken me through some crazy paths. I’ve been raped by a total of seven people. One of those people those people thought they could change my identity. I feel like this is a serious issue that is never talked about. Interpersonal violence is hardly talked about among straight people, and queer issues in general are suppressed, so can you imagine putting these two issues together. I never hear it being talked about.

It has taken me a long to get to where I am today, and I will continue to get stronger and be the voice for those that can’t have one.

Glee - Prom Night

2011-05-11T21:10:00.000-05:00

Prom. Anyone who is anyone goes to prom right? WRONG. Not everyone goes to prom. There could be a hundred reasons why someone may not want go to prom. My reason why I didn’t want to go to prom – well, how was I suppose to go to my high school prom with my girlfriend?

Prom. Finding the right dress for prom is crucial right? WRONG. For me, it was trying to go to prom with my girlfriend and not getting caught by my conservative parents.

Prom. Prom is a safe place for any queer person right? WRONG. I didn’t feel safe when I went to prom with my girlfriend.

Are things ever going to change? Will it one day be ok to be “out” at a young age and not get persecuted and discriminated for being who you are?

Today I saw the Glee Episode of Prom. I cried when I saw the episode. It takes a lot for me to cry. Granted, I have been a bit on the emotional side, but I feel like I probably wasn’t the only one that cried. I actually pictured a good friend of mine, (Nina) crying right next me. I pictured her and probably so many others that saw this episode, crying out of joy for the strength Kurt and Blaine had to take that dance floor and crying for the pain of remembrance of how hard it was to go to prom as who you are. It isn’t fair to know that if you’re queer and going to the prom, you might have consequences to your actions. Funny how being who you are has consequences. For me, my consequences weren’t as bad as Kurt’s, but they were still burdens that I had to bare all because of who I am.

When I went to my high school prom, there were so many things I had to worry about. One out of the many worries was that pesky little issue of a girl going to prom with another girl. Gee, that’s not scary. I remember so clearly the shame and fear I had when I was on that dance floor with my girlfriend. I was so scared that someone was going to come up to us and tell us something horrible. I just kept waiting for that one person to tap me on my shoulder and say how sick we looked together. I was scared that a teacher or Vice Principle was going to tell us to stop dancing together because it was inappropriate. I had the fear of knowing that if something happened to either my girlfriend or I, I wasn’t going to be protected. And the shame that I had for being on that dance floor as I slow danced to a song at my own prom. Then knowing that everyone is looking at you as if you’re some sort of zoo animal on display. And then, feeling everyone’s whispers behind your neck and ears. And don’t even get me started on how the prom photographer arranged us for our picture. I had every right to feel safe and equal at my own prom. But because my relationship was the ONLY same sex relationship in my ENTIRE high school, I guess I could see how my relationship was a zoo creature on display? What was I suppose to do other than having to bare the grunt and push through?

Now, not to minimize my experience, but there are so many others in this nation that have struggled so much with the issue of being queer and going to prom. Just last year in April, the advocate had published an article about a lesbian identified girl who was taking her date to HER prom was sent to a “fake prom.” This “fake prom” consisted in her, her date and 5 other students, with her principal and teachers acting as chaperones.

Why must we conform to the traditional roles of prom and enforce the conservative views of gender identity? Is there not a way to help our youth understand that it is ok to be who you are? Is there a way to show our youth that if someone is different than you, then they are simply different than you? How do we show that this can be a safe

um, what?

2011-05-05T21:28:00.002-05:00

Someone please explain to me how the governor of a certain state doesn’t understand the implications of the bills he’s signing into law. As an example lets use Rick Perry of our very own lone star state. Two years ago, Perry signed a bill into law that allowed transgender people to marry someone of the opposite sex using documentation of their sexual reassignment surgery as proof of their gender. Cool, right? Well Perry’s finally realized the privilege he’s dealt out and get this “never intended” for this to happen, he firmly believes that “marriage is between one man and one woman”. So how did this happen? Your guess is as good as mine but now it looks like it’s on the path to being repealed which means two things. First, it would prevent trans people from marrying in Texas. Second, it would invalidate all current marriages of trans people in the state.

Here’s a grim example of what I’m talking about in case this isn’t relatable for you. Nicki Araguz was married to her firefighter husband, Thomas, for just 2 years before he was tragically killed battling a massive fire. Now the husband’s family is trying to take control of his benefits and estate claiming their marriage wasn’t actually legal because Nicki was born a man and had undergone sexual reassignment surgery. Although Nicki now identifies as a woman they are going by her birth certificate which still reports her sex as male. This would mean two men were married which is illegal in Texas where they lived. So her husband is recently deceased, you’re attempting to rob her of his estate, and now you’re disregarding her identity…um, what?

So basically, they want to make it so trans folk can’t marry anyone…at least in Texas. Seriously, lets think abut this. Perry wants to make it illegal for trans folk to marry persons of the opposite sex…so then does that mean they can marry someone of the same sex? Does that mean I could marry someone of the same sex? You never know, he “never intended” to allow trans people to marry, maybe he’ll grant more privileges unknowingly. I don’t know about you but I feel like this is completely ass backwards.

Since the above section is probably only feasible in my gayest of dreams lets think a little more realistically. So if what they want is for Texas law to define marriage as between one cisgender man and one cisgender woman…where does that leave intersex folks? Are we just going to marginalize them forever? Well, what do you have to say for yourself Perry? “It’s an emotional issue. I can appreciate that.” I guess we’ll wait to see exactly what he means by appreciating “that”.

See but this isn’t “an emotional issue”, it’s an issue of human rights. Rick Perry and co, you are completely writing off the existence of trans people with this law. This is abhorrent and I’m not a very proud Texan or Austin-ite right now.

A Home for Me

2011-05-03T00:19:00.000-05:00

Now I know it ain’t just me wondering about this, so anyone else out there who’s with me (*cough cough* Sam Sanchez *cough*), join me in making a Mexican American queer village! We’ll call it...Eve’s Real Patio. I don’t know. The Queer Gonada? I need help with this.

Seriously, though, this is how it goes: I love Austin because I get to be queer, but I miss Laredo because I get to be Spanglish.

Living in Laredo was great in hindsight. It was home. But it was a hostile home. I had to deal with hiding myself, molding myself, doubting myself, questioning myself, and thinking I was weird/fucked up/evil, etc. And a lot of it had to do with the fact that I knew I wasn’t straight. I love the familia but the homophobia and sexism that is all too common in familia homes just breaks my heart. Queer is not welcome in the familia house, which essentially means I’M not welcome in the familia home. It doesn’t just feel like it, it’s true because queer is me. Me is queer.

It was so bad that I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of that place. It got to the point where I condemned Laredo, thinking it was one of the world’s blackholes. I was DEFINITELY going to college and it was definitely not gonna be there.

Then I got to Austin. It was..strange at first but as soon as I found the queer home I started loving it. And I keep loving it. But as time goes by I miss the familia more and more, I miss the sound of spanglish, the spanglish jokes, the spanglish way of life. It is a way of life. I feel more estranged from my roots and from one of the biggest parts of myself. It’s just not the same in Austin.

Every day I keep realizing the mistake I made in demonizing my hometown. It was a mistake because I was demonizing who I was and where I came from. I feel like I had to separate myself from the familia in order to (excuse the phrase) “find” myself. I guess no one forced me to, but it really feels like it sometimes and I don’t know if I could’ve grown the way I have if I hadn’t compromised certain parts of myself.

But maybe now that I’ve grown and learned to accept myself I can go back. I can reclaim that part of me that raised me.

Why is it so hard? Why does it feel like you can’t be YOU? The YOU that includes all parts of yourself: right-handed, queer, mexican american, hat collector, white-skinned, vertically-challenged, nerd, artsy fartsy, female, genderqueer, spiritual, can’t-read-non-digital-time-fast-enough, off-key singer, slightly OCD...etc...the YOU that can integrate and co-exist with itself without having to sacrifice parts of itself?

I don’t think it has to be this way. The familia can learn, the same way that I learned. And queer communities can always be more inclusive. I don’t mean to sound like a preacher but why can’t we just be one!?

WHY CAN’T WE CO-EXIST WITHOUT VIOLENCE, WHY CAN’T WE LOVE THY NEIGHBOR? LET’S INFILTRATE! BROTHERS AND SISTERS LET’S INFILTRATE THOSE MISGUIDED SOULS AND PLANT THE SEED OF JUSTICE AND GAYNESS! CAN I GET AN AMEN!?

Just kidding. It’s a slow process. In the meantime, back to Gaylandia...

I wish...

2011-05-02T11:50:00.009-05:00

I wish for things to be better.

I wish for our culture to be excitedly inclusive and varied.

I wish for our culture to be less judgmental (my boyfriend and I decided people have the most opinions on two things: other people and music).
I wish for the drive for equality to be a restless entity in all people.
I wish for people to see that we are all one, not a people separated by borders, colors, and creeds.
I wish for people to care for more things than what affects them directly.
I wish for our society to break free from the detrimental traditions that keep us from progressing.
I wish for religion to be a personal journey instead of a collective vessel for social control and condemnation.
I wish for more apologies and more forgiveness.
I wish for every person to live in the comfort of their own skin, even if it takes time and is difficult and scary.
I wish for everyone to have someone to love and cherish them so they only have positivity to project back into the world.
I wish for us to celebrate all of our little victories and believe that we are moving in the right direction, even if it sometimes feels like we're moving backwards.

Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

April 11th, 2011: Hundreds stage gay kiss-in outside pub accused of homophobia.
April 13, 2011: Kobe Bryant calls HRC to apologize for using an anti-gay slur. He expresses understanding and regret for how his words were hurtful and could be used by some to discriminate.
May 2, 2011: J.Crew includes their designer with his boyfriend in their catalog ( shortly after a firestorm over pink toenails). The caption reads: Happy Together.

Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images

March 18, 2011: An ABC/Washington Post poll found that the majority (53%) of Americans think gay marriage should be legal.
April 7, 2011: A Chicago jail adds a transgender policy that will allow inmates to be housed according to their gender identity instead of their birth gender.
April 14, 2011: In Western Pennsylvania, a Planned Parenthood offers transgender hours (because many are afraid of seeking medical care).
Feb. 11, 2001: The president of a new Asian airline welcomes four transgender flight attendants to his 30-person fleet.
April 28, 2011: Marines get trained on accepting gay recruits.

I know there is a lot of work to be done; however, on some days it's nice to bask in the positive of what has been done.

My Big Gay Project

2011-05-02T11:17:00.002-05:00

So, for one of my other social work classes I was assigned to a group that is putting together and presenting a presentation on same-sex marriage inequality in the United States. During the process of looking for sources and research and theory that address homophobia, heterosexism and same-sex marriage, I stumbled upon more interesting tid bits than I thought I would.

Due to my insomnia and the various other factors that tend to keep me awake at night (mass amounts of homework, dogs, neighbors, kids, you name it), I often find myself just surfing around the internet for lack of anything else to do. This was the case a few days ago when I started searching for different terms relating to the same sex marriage debate. I was surprised to see how many recent (2009-2011) scientific peer reviewed research studies have been done on different subjects and issues included in the pro and anti- same-sex marriage debate.

Since I like to share, here's a sample of some of the things I learned during that little midnight hunt. Disclaimer- full sources not cited here.....but just Google it, that's part of the fun.

- It has now been scientifically shown that legal recognition is an important macro-environmental factor that may affect the psychological health and well-being of same-sex couple members. The study found that even after controlling for other factors, same-sex partnered participants in committed relationships reported significantly more psychological distress and less meaning than those in legally recognized relationships. (Riggle, Rostosky, Horne, 2010)

-Same-sex and heterosexual relationships do not differ in their essential psychosocial dimensions (Kilian, 2010).

- As a result of much lower rates of employer-provided coverage, partnered lesbians and gay men are more than twice as likely to be uninsured as married heterosexuals (Ponce, Cochran, Pizer, and Mays, 2010).

- Homophobia was the best predictor of attitudes toward gay male and lesbian marriage, and this was equally true for both heterosexual men and women (Moskowitz, 2010).

- The public support for same-sex marriage has increased dramatically since 1988 and every religious group marked a signiﬁcant liberalization in beliefs about same-sex marriage between 1988 and 2008 (Skerat, 2010).

- A survey of married same-sex couples in Massachusetts found that as a result of marrying, over 72% of individuals expressed that they felt more committed to their partners and almost 70% felt more accepted by their communities. Of those couples with children, nearly all respondents (93%) agreed or somewhat agreed that their children are happier and better off as a result of their marriage (Ramos, Goldberg, Badgett, 2009).

So, my questions after taking in all of this new knowledge is: Where the hell is the publicity for it? Why did I have to search late at night to find this information?

I think it's interesting how the media will cover the fact that there are now 9 million + people who identify as LGBT but they won't cover the information that could help further the rights for those people.

As the semester wraps up and we are all looking forward to summer, this project has reminded me why I decided to become a social worker and even why I decided to join Peers for Pride.........BECAUSE THERE IS STILL JUST SO MUCH STUFF WRONG THAT NEEDS FIXIN.

I know I can't fix it all, I get a headache even thinking about all the different areas of social inequality and injustice. But this semester has made me more determined than ever to push through the fog and continue the midnight searches for truth. I hope the next cohort of Peers for Pride is just as determined to do the same.

Happy Anniversary

2011-05-02T09:08:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure I'm classified as that guy who's disgustingly in love and reminds everyone of how many years (FOUR! in two days) he and his wonderful beautiful partner ESTEVAN have spent together. I'm sorry if I ever get a little annoying about it sometimes, but I think I have the right to be a little proud. And what do I owe our longevity to??? Humor, Honesty, and Communication.

HUMOR! Estevan and I love to laugh, we love laughing at each other, we love laughing about each other when we aren't even in the same place, and we love laughing with each other. We're struggling college students who cannot always display our affection for each other in public and are dealing with idea that we're going to be adults in the world with fine arts degrees pretty soon .... :/ life's pretty stressful. After homework, work-work, and every day bullshit, its awesome to come home to somebody whom I can make Mexican grandmother jokes with as well as Judy Garland on Barbiturates impressions :)

HONESTY! Ok, relationships........they run as smoothly as a runway model's heart-rate after a coke binge. Sometimes person A is insensitve about person B's feelings (especially when living together). Sometimes Person B doesn't exactly love theirself right now making it difficult to love person A as is usual. The list goes on and on there are so many things that are hard to talk about but really should be talked about, especially with your significant other. It gets easier over time ;)

COMMUNICATION! talk talk talk!!!! Talk about when you all wanna have a date night, touch base on the sex experience, talk about marriage and kids and hopes and dreams and everything in between. Sex brings the physical bodies close and puts them in-sync. Talking puts the mental and spiritual bodies in-sync in my opinion. Talking demonstrates trust of your partner which doesn't necessarily become an unnecessary thing after the first year.

So yeah, I'm proud of us. and these are some important things in our relationship that I hope people can learn from or tune out as one of my DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE rants :)

Working Definitions

2011-05-02T00:38:00.003-05:00

I have spent this semester barely alive beneath a pile of, amongst other things, dense books and heavy course packets. While there were many nights when I thought I was going to literally have to splash water beneath my eyes to read just one more page, the majority of the reading has turned out to be incredibly important. I’m on a journey, dear reader, and a lot of the words I’ve been reading have really helped me. I have to say that the first day of class is always pretty intense – mainly because I receive a pile of syllabuses and, immediately, my four-month panic attack begins.

I’m ending my third year, and particularly this semester, at UT, as a new person. I have never before had the kind of happiness that I have now. It’s funny because I have been endlessly busy this semester. I thought there was absolutely no possibility I could digest anything anymore and would just have to somehow slide by in these last few days of school.

Well, I was wrong. Last week I read an essay by bell hooks entitled, “Black Women: Shaping Feminist Theory.” While gulping down a ridiculously large URN of espresso, I must say my entire perspective changed. I have identified as a feminist since my first semester at this school, and everything following has been a journey toward wrapping that identity tighter and tighter around my heart. Never before this had I really understood the extent of my privilege and the amount of work ahead of me in my life. I am a radical feminist. Radical feminism is not just about equal pay or sneakily inserting women in higher government positions. It is about changing the entire way the world has been built. There is an intersectionality so much larger than I had ever thought. Now it is impossible to ignore. I imagine a summer reading more bell hooks, re-reading Audre Lorde’s Sister Outsider and Gloria Anzaldúa’s Borderlands, finally taking the suggestion from my friend, Ambalika, to read Angela Davis. I once defined feminism just as equality among all gender identities. What I should have said was that it is a full circle understanding of the way each person connects to the next, never doubting the validity of someone’s experience and never claiming it as my own, working to break apart all of the things that have been build to push out other people or take advantage of them.

Sigh. It’s a working definition. It gets bigger every damn second.

I began this blog planning on defining feminism and explaining that is larger than I ever thought it was, but instead I’ve just decided to let whatever comes to me flow out. Big dramatic words? I know. Trust me, I feel that way, too. But isn’t it beautiful? How much there is to still learn and talk about? I remember the time in my life where thinking about having to do more work to understand myself sounded exhausting and impossible. I remember an emptiness I always thought would be permanent. Looks like it’s been filled up – at least a little bit more than before. That feeling of dread is no longer there. I have never been as excited as I am about the journey ahead of me.

Journeys like this need full support. And I must say that while I have had support for this entire journey, the past year has presented a new type of support. Once a week, for three hours, I am surrounded by people I love. We are somehow all able to hold one another up. The last class day of Peers for Pride is only a few days away. Yes, there will be tears. Way too many tears… I will try my hardest to keep myself under control, but I will be partially unsuccessful. You know, a big slobbering mess. But the thing is, any idea or fear I had that my spirit would end once Peers for Pride ended, is gone. I have so much ahead of me. All I want to do is learn and grow. One big part of my life recently has been learning how far support systems can stretch. I can say whole-heartedly that I am one of luckiest people in the world. My support system has stretched further than I had ever predicted and will never break.

There is a wave of love always rolling over me.

Congratulations Chris Colfer!

2011-05-01T22:06:00.000-05:00

I want to end this final blog post on a happy note. Besides the fact that I have 4 tests and 4 different papers due in the next two weeks, I want to think about happy visions and things to come right now. So when I want to go to my happy place, I just watch the TV show Glee. It just makes me feel better in all aspects. I understand that real public school isn't like that, but I wouldn't know because I went to a private school; if I went to a public school, I would want to be at McKinley. That would be like the perfect life. I wouldn't really care if people threw slushies in my face; I like Red Dye #5. I love the idea of having friends as loyal as the ones on Glee. And I feel as if Peers for Pride allowed me to make those type of friends. I love that :)

At any rate! Chris Colfer, the awesome openly gay identified "high school student"/actor. He's gotten a lot attention. Seriously, like 2010 SAC Award, 2010 Teen Choice Award, and 2011 Golden Globe Award at the age of 20 years old. Now, he was named Time Magazine's Top 100 people on the same list as President and Mrs. Obama. What an honor and a privilege for this young person, who like myself and my friends, are advocating for the LGBTQ community in any way that's possible. He advocates through his work on Glee, showing younger people that struggling with orientation that they are human and will, in time, find people who love, respect, and care for them. He is an amazing actor and an amazing individual with the ability to send a positive message to the younger Glee fans about self-love and self-respect. I am very proud to be a Gleek, to be represented as a younger LGBT identified individual within the Time Top 100, and to be myself, as a person, as an activist, as an (almost!) graduate of the university.

I've learned so much about myself within the last year, some things were eye opening, some were triggering. The best experiences were welcomed and so were the worst because it was all a growing experience. I'm proud to have grown in knowledge and wisdom, which I hope to take to wherever I will be employed next. We will see what the future holds and I'm feeling pretty good about it now.

Time Magazine's Top 100: Chris Colfer

My thoughts as of now...

2011-05-01T21:27:00.002-05:00

So as the semester is winding down, I have the opportunity to think back to everything that I have learned this year, what I have become more conscious of, and other things I have felt and been exposed to.

I am more aware of the discrimination that is apparent inside of us all because for some reason we being non-perfect people, have to continually try to do/be perceived as being better than the next person. I feel that in this class I have been challenged to confront my prejudices as Peace and as a person apart of this heteronormative society. I wonder sometimes why it was so hard for me to open up and to accept others. And I guess why is it so hard for any of us ("straight folks") to do so. What makes the LGBTQ community so hard to accept? Or any marginalized group for that matter? A friend once told me that as humans we always look for something to separate ourselves or distinguish ourselves from the next person. I do not see anything wrong with being an individual except if that trumps on the ability of our neighbor to be an individual. Our nature can be so unloving and hurtful at times that it causes me to constantly question whether we are inherently good or bad? However, that is a debate I am not attempting to get into or an argument to engage in. I just know for certain that with knowledge and faith with an open heart, we can accomplish love. I have had a series of "Who am I?" moments. "Who am I not to accept you?" "Who am I to think I better the next person?" I feel the world would look different if we thought more introspectively. However, I know that that can be scary because confronting negative things about yourself and owning up to them is not something that we are typically programmed to do.

I watched this show and it was about discrimination within the LGBTQ community. Watching that show and reflecting back on what was spoken about in class, I realized how it is also dangerous for anyone whether a marginalized group or not to become complacent and oblivious that we too can hold onto sentiments of discriminations. One thing I have learned this year is to constantly be aware of your feelings and to guard your heart from exposure to hate. Sometimes it may be easy to adopt those same characteristics you may dislike. It is so easy to do and I think alot of us fall into that trap. Thus, surrounding yourself around examples of love and acceptance is, in my eyes, the best way to actively work towards becoming this person I want to be.

The Real World Is Not So Real.

2011-05-01T17:57:00.001-05:00

Nothing makes my brain lose its cells faster than reality TV. Since I love my brain, I avoid reality TV, well TV in general. However, I stumbled upon the Real World (the mother of all reality TV shows) and let’s say I got a migraine from the intense level of stupidity from this episode. Dustin Zito, one of the participants in the show, was outted of participating in a gay porn website when he was younger by his girlfriend’s mom. Granted one of the problematic areas of the situation is Zito made several homophobic comments on the show. Clearly this is an example of him trying to compensate his sexuality and masculinity. What bothered me the most was the reaction from his peers. Here is a summation of their reaction:

1. He was viewed as a liar for not telling them about part of his past.

2. Thought he was a hypocrite for “judging”

3. Claimed they didn’t even know him, like he is a totally different person.

4. They were disgusted with him.

5. Considered him to be gay even though he claimed he is not.

I don’t know nor do I think anyone can claim Zito’s sexuality. He might be a closeted

Queer or he can really be straight. No one knows except for Zito. As far as the public is concern he is straight. That’s how he identities. Just because a man has sex with a man does not make him gay. Nor just because a man has sex with a woman he is straight. All it means is that the person had sex with *insert gender here*.

Sexuality is more complicated. Rarely, is a person 100 or even 97% gay or straight. Moreover, it is normal for a person to be attracted to another whose gender identity does not confirm to their sexual identity. Does this mean sexual identity is useless, nonsensical or misleading? No.

Our sexual identity showcases what a person is MOSTLY attracted to and it reflects our cultural identification. Also (in my opinion the most important factor) is what we are primarily romantically attracted to. Our bodies can be aroused by lots of things outside of gender. Hey, if you have that one spot you’ll like to get rubbed sometimes it doesn’t matter who is rubbing it. But that doesn’t mean your mind or your heart will be in conjunction with your body. For Zito, he might have enjoyed having sex with men, but he dates women. He has that sexual and romantic attraction to primarily women that makes him feel complete. This makes him straight not gay. Yet again I don’t know. This could not be the case, but this is what he is presenting to us.

Also, this shows that men just like womyn (in a binary sense) can be sexually “fluid”. With reactions like this to male sexuality, it’s no wonder men are sexually constricted by narrow ideas on gender roles. I find it sexist to claim womyn are inherently more sexually fluid than men. Womyn’s sexuality is not taken seriously unless it adheres to the desires of men.

I hope we can learn to accept others and part of that means accepting people’s identities. I rather disappointed in MTV for not providing the viewers with a case supporting Zito’s situation. But what can we expect from a channel called Music Television when it doesn’t show music videos or really any music? I guess we just all need to analyze our sexualities and be fine with the contradictions. Life is just like that. Well, from the stand point of those who are ot rotting their intellectual growth through reality TV.

Language Accessibility

2011-05-01T16:30:00.002-05:00

I had a really long workday yesterday. And by long I mean 17 hours. The Network piled in a car and drove down to TAMU Corpus Christi for a training, which went very well. And the drive went well too. That's a strange thing to say, but if anyone has ever driven that, it is a long drive will really terrible radio stations. So we had a lot of time to talk.

There was a young woman that attended our training that was pretty amazing to me. She was involved in a local branch of a national organization, I won't say which for anonymity's sake, and showed us very fast that she knew her social justice. At one point we posed a question to the group asking them to identify a certain privilege, and she and I had a pretty intense back and forth that consisted me digging deeper with a series of "why?" "why does that person have that power?" "why are they part of that group?" and her laying out most of her knowledge of systems of oppression on the line. She continued to impress us throughout the day but what was truly fascinating was why, which I didn't think of until the ride home. She's not in school. She's young, only a couple years older than myself i'd bet, obviously educated, and not in school. It was obvious from her way of thinking and the lens she was coming from that the organization she was affiliated with had given her quite a boost, in much the same way the Network has done for me. But the rest was self directed. Reading, finding out about local trainings like the one we did, and learning.

Debriefing this part of the day in the car led to a discussion about our community and language accessibility. Who's read Judith Butler? I'm going to come out with it and say I have not. Maybe I'm a terrible feminist, queer, geek, and future academic, but I have not. Why? Because that language is like trying to decipher gaelic in a black cave. I know who she is and what she's said and what she's done. I know that I will read many of her works before my college years are over. And I know that I could read it no if I had the time and desire to do so. Why? Because I have access to education. I've had the ability all my life to be a book worm and decipher academic language and jargon. But many people have not.

The above conversation segued into one about the community forum that ALLGO hosted on Wednesday night. I was not in attendance so the opinions I'm expressing are those that were shared with me from people that were attending. The event from their perspective was extremely powerful, extremely emotional, and extremely inaccessible. They expressed the feeling that not only that event but many in Austin are inaccessible in terms of the language used and people often share what they think needs to be said or heard rather than what they actually feel. Having been in attendance at many events in the same community, I was inclined to agree. I absolutely feel that it is everyone's job to pursue their own education, but we should keep in mind who has the ability to do that and who is excluded from what, particularly what conversations, when that privilege is not present.

The night ended on a happy note. There was a benefit in SA run by Project Embrace and sponsored by many local organizations and alliance of all of the queer student orgs from the many colleges. We stopped by to retrieve a coworker who had gone to the event as a representative and to say hello, as all of the proceeds were benefiting us. I briefly ran into three of my friends who are all fellow activists. We hugged, we smiled, I told them I'm moving home and enrolled at SAC for the summer, and they told me what was happening with our queer community. Many many good things and lots of organizing by really fierce students, which I am so excited to be a part of. Many of them had been at the march earlier that day here in ATX and had been feeling the pressure from Austin's social scene and policy makers. They told me they felt pressured to leave part of our community behind and they will not do it, not socially and definitely not in policy. They told me they will not leave out our trans and drag community, the latin roots so much of the community is tied to, the queers that are young, poor, or "uneducated", and that information, especially policy, needs to be bilingual and understandable, and they won't let that not happen, even if it takes longer. I felt extremely hopeful for my summer and for the community in my hometown that is so welcoming and doing such good work around trying to make our community accessible and so excited to be going home to be part of it all. :)

How The Vagina Changing My World Again

2011-05-01T14:43:00.000-05:00

One of the many small life changing casual moments that occurred when I attended Creating Change in Dallas involved a simple ten second conversation about big vaginas. A friend of mine I meet at the conference made some joke about big vaginas. Everyone laughed and it was funny. However, this joke, as in a lot of jokes, had the undertones of sincerity and truth. With this joke in particular, his truth about vaginas came with a size standard. Vaginas, as by a society’s pussy standard (as a passionate lover of pussy I find this strange we have pussy standards), should be small, prepubescent and virginal.

But he quickly checked himself. (I have mad respect for people who check themselves. It shows that they are acknowledging their privilege and prejudices in order to change them.) “Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with big vaginas! Sex Positivity!” he said with a warm and sincere smile. Everyone in the room laughed and nodded their heads in agreement. I could tell everyone after attending a sex positive workshop had started going through the deconstructing mental process involved whenever one gets involved in a new area of social justice. More importantly, this small casual conversation initiated this process for me.

BIG VAGINAS keep resonating in my mind over and over again. I kept thinking “What’s wrong with big vaginas?” Naturally, as anyone with ingrained misconceptions or prejudices, my mind was subconsciously trying to find an answer for that question because it is uncomfortable to throw out ideas once they made a place in your mind. Then BAM! I had an epiphany moment that would change my world view. “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BIG VAGINAS!”

The world suddenly became a beautiful and damn sexy place. I not only found myself sexually liberated but liberated from narrow visions of beauty. More importantly, I learned to love myself and I realized a good portion of my insecurities stem from sex negative attitudes. Once I was sexually liberated I found being me and being in this body a very comfortable place in even though there are parts of myself I’d like to change. I also found others were more easily able to share their experiences with me because they don’t have to fear judgment or indifference. Life is more fun that way when we can all share different experience. I enjoy and find it sexy watching gay porn with my boys or comparing sexual experience with a straight girl.

Moreover, from this simple conversation I discovered sex positivity. I did not have to attend a workshop, read a book or have someone deconstruct it for me. For me sex positive is the belief that all consensual sexual acts are “positive” or “good” and advocates for society to hold an affirming stance on sex and sexuality. Sex, expressions of sexuality, and sexual health are a considerably important aspect of humanity; therefore, it is a human right. I believe in order to truly love this queer community for all it is, a person needs to learn the sex positive framework. How else can one love a community that has been sexually shamed?

All it took was a casual conversation. Since then, I calmly say with a sincere smile, “Sex Positivity!” whenever someone says something sex negative and I can see their view on sex and sexuality change. Now, wouldn’t we see revolutionary change if we all just had a conversation about some tough subjects?

Part of Me

2011-04-29T22:31:00.001-05:00

Families can be tough. It is not always easy explaining sexuality to them. I recently had a conversation with a family member of mine and I left the conversation feeling misunderstood. My family member told me that they love me, they just want me to be happy, and that my sexual identity is just a small part of me. I am very appreciative of their acceptance and unconditional love, but I would not say that is a small part of me. I have been struggling with how to explain myself ever since the conversation.

Before I go any further, I just want to clarify that my experience cannot speak for others. Although I consider my lesbian identity as a core piece of me, not every LGBTQIA identified individual does. I consider my lesbian identity such a big deal because of my own personal struggle to come to terms with my identity and how it affected my life.

I lived my life for twenty-one years before I was strong enough to come out to myself. In middle school, I started noticing that I was different. Instead of confronting my feelings, I repressed them. I would not allow myself to even think about why I felt different or why I never noticed boys. In high school, I could not avoid the fact that I was drawn to my girl classmates and preferred their company over my male classmates. I just rationalized it. I was just a girly girl and I kept checking out all the girls in my high school because I was comparing (yeah, right). It is silly now that I look back on it. This denial came from my desire to make my family proud. I was going to go to college, find a nice guy, settle down, and lead a normal life. A life where I did not ruffle anyone’s feathers or challenge what is acceptable to society (now, that sounds horribly boring and soul crushing).

My story gets a little dark here so I’m going to skip over most of the sad parts, but I do need to mention that I started to slip into a depression. By the time my junior year of college rolled around, I was at the lowest point of my life. I experienced severe depression. The fall semester of my junior year, I finally admitted it to myself. I love women. This was not easy by a long shot and it took a while (and me asking for help) before I was ok. My grades for that semester reflect my mental state. I had to tell myself that it is ok and that I would be a disgrace to my family. I had the old heteronormative ideas of a respectable life stuck in my head. I felt like my family would no longer be proud of me and that I was a freak.

The process of coming out to myself resulted in me being shattered. I had to rebuild the pieces and put myself back together. I used feminism as my glue. I no longer focused on what I thought my friends or society thinks of me and I choose to live my life for me. By questioning society’s perspective on queer identified individuals, I discovered how wrong society was on the subject. Now I started to think about how wrong society could be on other subjects. I started questioning everything. I questioned whether pot should be legal, the patriarchal and racist history I had been taught (seriously, everyone needs to go read American history from a Native American perspective, a woman’s perspective, and any person of color perspective), tattoos, piercings, my faith and much more. I feel like I have become a better critical thinker by coming out and I no longer blindly accept societal standards. My new feminist and independent way of thinking has really made the world look completely different to me.

Not only do I have a new outlook but also I am facing discrimination for the first time. Although as a woman I have received some discrimination, it has always been subtle. Society as a whole does not accept blatant discrimination against women (even though sexism is present everywhere. People just do not notice). I am a white, cisgender, middle class, and Christian girl from the suburbs. I never worried about discrimination before. But now that I am an out and proud lesbian, I’ve been blatantly discriminated against. I often pass as straight but I still encounter it. Strangers usually just stare, some whisper to their friends. I developed a thick skin against that kind of stuff over time. Once a guy yelled dyke to me from his truck as I was walking in west campus but I just thought that was ridiculous (seriously dude, I already know I’m a dyke. What were you trying to accomplish?). I have lost friends over coming out. I also discovered that many of my friends think it is ok to condemn me to hell for being fabulously gay. For the most part however, love and acceptance received my coming out process. I will forever be grateful for that.

After facing this discrimination, I have become more open to hearing how others struggle with discrimination. I have become compelled to stand up as an ally for other causes. I will not let racist, sexist, classist, or any hateful speech go by without me speaking up. When I faced the discrimination, I finally understood what it means to be part of a marginalized identity. Instead of beating me down, this discrimination has open my eyes up to the issues within society and has made more of an accepting ally to groups of marginalized people I was not willing to really listen to before.

I just want to convey to my family and friends that do not understand that my lesbian identity and the process of coming out to myself and others has changed my life in a profound way. Not only am I happier than I have been in a long time, but my way of thinking is much more independent. I am more open to understanding the importance of fighting discrimination in any form and recognizing privilege. My queerness has made a stronger ally and more accepting to other communities. I will not just accept the social norms but instead fight them. I am going to dedicate my life to making this world a better place. I do not know how but I will. I want to work in social justice particularly I want to work with queer issues. I hope that at the end of my life, people will be able to come out without facing the discrimination or struggling with self-hate. So yes, my sexuality may just be part of me but it has influenced my whole life in a dynamic way that cannot be ignored.

2011-04-28T15:01:00.001-05:00

I am writing from a place of dismay. It seems lately that I just can’t wrap my head around some of the things that are going on in the world, and it is prompting me to ask the question: How did we get here?

I was on a road trip to Marfa, Texas. In case you don’t know Marfa, it is a small west Texas town that carries a population of 2,121 and is about 7 hours from Austin. When I say west Texas, I mean west Texas. Like dust and cactus and desert and that dry heat that everyone talks about as not being as bad, but really heat is heat and the sweat produced in my knee pits found no favor in the distinction. But anyways… I was on a road trip to Marfa, and on this road trip there is a stretch of land. This stretch of land spans about 200 miles and within this stretch of land there are no gas stations. Did you get that? No gas stations. So if you run out of gas the banjo ditty from Deliverance becomes the soundtrack for your fear as your car rolls to a halt on the side of the road. But surely that would be something that the state of Texas would warn you about right? They would definitely have a sign posted, right? Apparently not.

Long story short, my sister and I nervously drove off the main highway with the gas light gleaming bright red in search of fuel. We ended up in an even smaller town 12 miles off the less than beaten, beaten path. Only one gas pump was working at the station and after several trips back and forth from the attendant to the pump trying to resolve why the fuel wasn’t flowing, I was getting annoyed. And it seemed I wasn’t the only one. Walking back to my car for the third time, I sat in the drivers seat and was promptly honked at repeatedly by the car behind mine. I looked back to see a woman bearing down on her horn. I quickly got out of the car as I saw that the nozzle was still in my tank. A man that was riding with the woman got out of the car. He slammed the door and walked swiftly toward me while yelling “ Why are you are raising hell for everyone around here?” Everything in my body went into overdrive. I nervously fumbled with the gas cap as he walked even closer, I flashed a nervous smile and giggle in his direction all the while every part of me was hoping I would be done closing my tank and walking towards the safety of my car before he got there. And luckily that’s what happened. I got in and drove off as fast as I could. As we drove further away my thoughts were racing.

What the hell just happened? I was just bullied into silence by a man, by fear. I had any and all feelings of safety ripped away from me because of a perception of my presentation. I am a lesbian. I am a woman. I dress in a less than “feminine” manner and I have a short haircut. In society’s eyes I am an outsider, and there, in that small west Texas town, I was an outsider and was treated as such. You see, for the first time in my life I feel the comfort of self-acceptance resonate in my bones. But my ability to revel in that is continually under attack, and this time it was a direct attack. How could this happen? How could this happen to me? How could this happen in my own state?

How did we get here? How did society get to a point where a person’s safety can be betrayed by their identities, whether self chosen or assumed? Why is it that Stephanie can’t use the bathroom in the Cosmo hotel without being banned for life and charged with trespassing? How does a trip to McDonalds end in being viscously attacked while onlookers choose to film rather than provide aid? Why is it that a bill limiting funding for LGBT resource centers based on the lack of traditional family values centers passes in Texas? Why is it now illegal in Tennessee to discuss any other sexual behavior other than heterosexuality in schools until the ninth grade?

Government officials are viewing the world through their privilege-lined lenses and actively passing legislation that is overtly discriminatory all the while patting themselves on the back for a job well done. The policies they are enacting are coming to the aid of the majority while marginalizing the minority, and I as a member of the minority on many different counts can’t be the only one left disgusted and dismayed. So I will ask it again, how did we get here?

My year in PFP

2011-04-27T17:22:00.001-05:00

So, it’s been a crazy year, from applying to graduation, to look for a job, to turn in grad school applications etc. However, being in PFP (Peers For Pride) has not only helped me through it all but provide me with incredible people that I can depend on.

For that matter, I have come to the decision to dedicate this blog to PFP. :)

The other day I was reflecting on how I started college and how I am getting out of it. I thought that if my freshmen self met my senior self he would be surprised. I have come a long way, and I mean it not literally but more in a personal level. I have learned to listen to the voices of people that otherwise would have been like whispers in the air. I learned that when one stands for a belief, one becomes empowered by it.

I remember that when I got here, knowing no one, barely able to get through a conversation on which I did not have to nod and pretend to know what they just told me because my knowledge in English was not that great. I remember the people that have come into my life and also those that left, but like everyone, have left its footprints in me. I remember that self that was afraid to stand up for what he believed and what he wanted. Now, I’m a completely different person. I am able to go out of my comfort side and talk about issues regarding not only the LGBTQA communities but also regarding our student body and our state government.

All of which I owe it not only to the people I have meet through my college career but also to PFP. It’s been an incredible experience in which not only I got to spread awareness about an important issue, but I got to meet amazing people that have inspired me in different and many ways.

I can tell that I will always remember all of my Peers and the experiences that we have gone through. Thanks for making my Senior year so much exciting than what I imagined, I will miss every single one of you!

los quiero,

Jerry

Esperanza

2011-04-25T22:50:00.005-05:00

"Lucky for me, I ended up with a brother whose favorite color is pink. Painting toenails is so much more fun when its pissing off half the nation."

I went home this past weekend to visit my family and best friend. I had a wonderful time. I’m happiest when I’m with my family, they understand me. They’re a group of people that are wired to love you forever. I know that they will always be there for me, through thick and thin my family has always had my back.

I’m especially close with my baby brother and have been since we were little babies. He is two years younger than me and my best friend.

He's is senior in our small hometown high school. He is 6’4’’, an amazing soccer player and football kicker, intelligent, hilarious, handsome (if I may say so myself) and recently crowned PROM KING. (A big deal in our small town and I was so proud of him!!!:)

After saying our hellos, everyone was doing their own thing. My little brother and I began looking through travel maps. (We’re going backpacking in Europe for two weeks. I’m so excited!)

In the middle of our search I remembered an idea I had.

Me- “Micah, can I paint your toenails pink and take a picture? I wanna put it on facebook.”

Micah- “Sure.”

He didn’t even blink. He just agreed to it. He wasn’t afraid of having his huge ass feet covered with pink toenail polish, or even having a picture posted of it on facebook. He wasn’t scared of having friends make fun of him, calling him gay, or other homophobic slurs. He just said yes.

And after I explained to him the meaning behind the picture (The J. Crew advertisement that has recently made a big ruckus, he was actually excited to take the picture.

Here's a link if you want more info about this ad:

http://www.change.org/petitions/thank-j-crew-for-its-heartwarming-pink-toenail-polish-ad

I was so proud of him.

He used to use gay slurs frequently and made fun of the ally activities that I participated in. He made jokes about me and about different members of the LGBTQ umbrella. I would have talks with him about using the word gay and his other harmful actions, and he would just blow me off. We grew up in a small town with VERY unwelcoming people. LGBTQA people are NOT supported in our community and even though our family is very welcoming, he's been surrounded by people like that since he was 5.

But in the past few months, as our conversations have gotten deeper and I’ve been sharing some of the links and information I’ve gained in Peers for Pride, he’s grown up sooo much.

In the society we live in it’s so hard to stay positive sometimes. I feel like 95% of the time all we speak about is negative news events. Sometimes I just can’t deal with it anymore. I just want to be happy for a few minutes.

We must take time in our hectic, stressful, and sometimes negative days and be grateful for the wonderful things we have in our LGBTQA community. We must appreciate the small achievements we make each day as a community. I don’t suggest ignoring the negativity, because for it to change, we need to acknowledge it. However, I don’t want out world to be filled with triggering events.

We are a community full of wonderful people, all with wonderful things going on in our lives. And we deserve to be happy.

When I was home, I was helping my brother fill out his college roommate application. One part asked if he preferred the sexuality of his future roommate, he clicked no. He now even posts positive links and statuses about the LGBTQA community in his facebook.

What a small moment, but what a large gesture. My little brother is growing up. He’s becoming a loving and understanding ally. I can’t wait to see what the next few years bring him and words cannot express how proud of him I am.

2011-04-25T15:50:00.001-05:00

I had an interesting revelation last week after a conversation with my roommate. I'll provide some quick backstory. She and I are both moving home for the summer, and then moving to Austin permanently in August. For the first time, she and her boyfriend, who will be a freshman here in the fall and living on campus, will have some time to themselves and will be able to define the rules of their relationship and when they get to see each other. Anyone that has lived in a dorm can back me up in my assumption that I will be seeing a lot of said boy around my apartment next year. It should also be noted that my boi and his friend, who is also queer, will be living across the street from us in another apartment.

So the conversation started when I got home and she told me he had said something to the effect of "that's so gay", and she didn't quite chew his head off, but strong words happened apparently. I asked her if that was a frequent thing and she looked at me very seriously and said that it was, but that he also uses words like "retarded" and other oppressive language. I told her that I would A) flip out if he ever said that anywhere around me B) Flip out if I ever knew about it happening when I wasn't around and C) Kick him the fuck out of my house. She nodded and told me she would back me up in such an action.

Being the awesome person and ally that she is, I believe that she will stick to what she said and spend a good chance of the summer educating him herself. But to be honest, it makes me worried. It has been a long time since I had to worry about my own space being unsafe for me or for the people around me that I love. It was a fresh reminder that I am very lucky to have my own safe space and how so many people don't. My sweetie is currently playing the housing shuffle game until he moves into his new apartment in August because his parents want to break his lease and their house is obviously unsafe. It's happening, but it's a pain and a half that makes summertime a lot less appealing. Both of these scenarios make me worried that my queerness, his queerness, and/or our collective queerness, will somehow make housing one of those difficult problems in life (i.e., insurance, health care stuff…etc) that are already difficult and become a lot more difficult when queerness gets involved. While I always knew that that could be an issue at some point in time, the fact that said point in time has arrived is stressful for sure, but a reminder that that we have a long way to go and there is still a lot of work to do.

LGBT Abuse in the Prison System

2011-04-11T12:01:00.003-05:00

I was listening to NPR and heard a short clip about the new blog Between the Bars: Human Stories from Prison. The person who created this wanted to give prisoners a way to express themselves and also a way for them to connect and share with the outside world. It piqued my interest so I went to the website and read the first entry. It was written by a gay male who told of his love for another inmate in which the feelings were reciprocated. Unfortunately other prisons learned of this romance and began harassing both of them. They verbally abused the two men and threatened them with physical assault and rape. They specifically said they would make them their sex slaves. The man who wrote this blog had been pleading with the guards for help and the guards did nothing.

This made me curious about the experiences of LBGT people in the prison system. I knew there was no way the experiences of these men were an isolated incidents. And they are not. LGBT prisoners are often verbally, physically, and sexually assaulted. A national survey of violence in prison found that sexual orientation was the single greatest determinant of sexual abuse in prisons, with 18.5 percent of homosexual inmates reporting they were sexually assaulted, compared to 2.7 percent of heterosexual prisoners. A study done in California prisons showed that a shocking 67 percent of non-heterosexual inmates reported that they had been sexually assaulted by another inmate during their incarceration. When the abused try to get help from the guards and staff they are victimized further: many have been raped by guards; many are told that if they allow others to rape them, they must be enjoying it consensually.

Here are just two examples of this atrocious reality: Carl Shepard, a gay Mississippi man serving time for larceny and a narcotics offense, who was anally raped by his cell mate during a prison lockdown, tried to report the rape to a unit administrator, a major, and a warden. “When those three were questioning me, they actually made fun of me. The major said that since I was gay, the sex must have been consensual. He said I got what I deserved.”Shepard had previously been denied medical attention even though he was bleeding from his anus. Timothy Tucker, a gay HIV-positive man raped by another male inmate in a federal prison in Virginia, reported, “After I was raped they asked me if I had learned my lesson . . . [Guards] said that since I am gay I should have enjoyed it.”

I cannot express how egregious it is for this to go unaddressed. It is not just the psychological and emotional devastation these LGBT members are enduring; for these prisoners it is a life or death situation because rates of HIV in prison are five times higher than in the general population and are the number two killer of prisoners (prisoners are not allowed access to condoms). Further, it is not just LBGT people; it is anyone who is perceived as gay or weak. Still, legislation for protection of LGBT prisoners is not getting passed. In September of last year, Governor Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill that would have protected LGBT people in the California prison system from violence. He had no appropriate reason for vetoing it.

One of the articles I read said that the interwoven pieces of power, dominance, and sexual exploits are entrenched and are an intractable part of the prison system. Where is the accountability in this system? Where is the oversight? How is it that the very people who are supposed to be protectors of the social order, the guards and staff, are perpetrators and criminals themselves?

Between the Bars

Just Detention International

Queer (In)Justice

LGBT People in Prison

I Might Be Biting My Own Leg Here, But...

2011-04-11T02:36:00.007-05:00

Some of you may or may not know about something called Body Integrity Identity Disorder, formally known as Amputee Identity Disorder. It’s supposed to be this thing where people feel they were meant to live as an amputee and that they are not complete unless they have some part of them surgically amputated.

According to Dr. Michael B. First, who is helping write the DSM-V, BIIS is not simply about amputation. “It involves any wish to significantly alter body integrity. Some people suffer from the desire to become paralyzed, blind, deaf, use orthopaedic appliances such as leg-braces, etc” But, I’ll focus on amputation since it seems to be most common.

Here’s where I think it gets...complicated. Many have drawn parallels between BIIS and what is known as Gender Identity Disorder because they are both about a problem of identity and wanting to be in a different body.

In case you don’t know, Gender Identity Disorder is still listed in the DSM describing people who experience significant gender dysphoria — “a man trapped in a woman’s body” or vice versa. Transgender individuals who are seeking hormone replacement therapy or sex reassignment surgery are diagnosed with GID. The listing of GID in the DSM is controversial for a lot of reasons, including the fact that there is evidence from studies of transsexual (I say transsexual because I’m talking about those who want hormone therapy and/or surgery) people’s brains along with the fact that it’s called a disorder in the first place. Nonetheless, disorder or not, the concept seems to be the same: a problem of identity and wanting to be in a different body.

This disturbs me. I don’t know about you, but I think wanting a limb removed is pretty fucked up and having it compared to the so-called “GID” freaks me out. If we humor this idea for a bit, there seem to be two possible implications: (1) transsexuals are “as fucked up as BIIS individuals” or (2) BIIS is not well-understood and individuals suffering from it need more support. And because the first implication is dangerous and frightening...well, you can see where BIIS support comes from.

But is this a valid comparison? Some are outraged and think BIIS could mean trouble for the transgender community.

Critics say that supporters of BIIS fail to see that transgenderism is more than wanting to be in a different body and that many, in fact, say its irrelevant to their experiences. They say apotemnophiliacs are using language that is congruent with the concept of GID to validate their illness.

There seems to be some inconsistencies as to what exactly BIIS is. There is a paraphilia called apotemnophilia. Paraphilias are regarded as abnormal sexual behaviors, fantasies and/or urges. Apotemnophilia is a sexual desire for amputation. It seems to happen often in conjunction with BIIS and many websites use the terms interchangeably. Other websites delineate the distinction between the two and contend that they are NOT the same, that people with BIIS are not always apotemnophiliacs. And more parallels are drawn — between transvestitism and amputee-wannabes.

So it’s hard to know exactly what the hell is going on. Furthermore, critics say that BIIS supporters fail to see the differences between sex reassignment surgery and voluntary amputation. SRS involves “fashioning of one living, functional, highly sensitive and sexually responsive organ, from the tissue of another. Genital reconstruction giveth: it does not taketh away.” They also say BIIS supporters often neglect to mention female to male surgeries. Moreover, critics say supporters don’t mention the genetic and neurobiological differences — for example, the life-long commitment to taking hormones. There is outrage because some supporters even regard GID as falling under the umbrella of BIIS.

Neurologically speaking, there is evidence that BIIS results from a failing of the right parietal lobe in the brain, which helps control the brain’s inner body mapping function. “According to this theory, the brain mapping does not incorporate the affected limb in its understanding of the body’s physical form.” This also makes sense because somatoparaphrenia (believing a certain limb does not belong to oneself) is a common result from biparietal or parietal strokes (strokes of that part of the brain) and somatoparaphrenia is linked to BIIS. So, some believe BIIS may be a congenital form of somatoparaphrenia, which can be treated by, basically, squirting cold water in the patients right ear. Also some say studying phantom limb phenomena would help understand how to treat BIIS.

HOWEVER, there is also evidence to suggest “GID” is also medical in nature. Regardless of sexual orientation, men have twice as many somatostatin neurons (found in some limbic nucleus). It was found that MTFs have female numbers of said neuron and FTMs have male numbers of it in their brains. So, there you have it.

Regardless of its possible neurological bases, GID is treated by changing physical appearance and not changing psychological makeup or implementing neurological treatments. Currently, no medical professionals in the U.S. will perform amputations for people with BIIS. This is sad, because many will go to extreme lengths to damage their limbs to the point where they require amputation and some even self-amputate. But the idea of medically amputating the unwanted limb of a person with BIIS is highly controversial and many instead advocate psychological treatment. And in cases where amputation is attained, BIIS sufferers seem to be much happier. This phenomenon dates far back. In France in 1785, there was a man who held a physician to gunpoint asking him to amputate his leg. The doctor did so and later received a thank you letter from the man, who said he’d been made “the happiest of all men.”

Dr. Ray Blanchard, however, is skeptical of the neurobiology of BIIS. He says that if it were truly biological in nature, there would be other symptoms, like difficulty using the leg and signs of neglect. He doesn’t think society will be able to accept BIIS and can’t see the medical community accepting it or performing the surgeries for it. Medicine would see it as administering a disability, which is another way it’s different from GID — gender is not a disability.

These things are important to think about. After all, homosexuality was at one point regarded as a mental illness, not anymore. And Gender Identity Disorder seems to possibly be on its way out of the DSM. What's defined as a mental illness or disorder has strong societal implications. Sadism and masochism are listed in the DSM as paraphiliic disorders. Yet, it’s controversial because both can be practiced by consenting adults under safe conditions. There are some pretty hard to define lines going on there.

Now think about this: we often talk about all kinds of identity equalities but seem to leave out ability as a way to identify. Some people have issues with the term handicapped. In Deaf culture, being Deaf is not seen as a disability and is in fact, celebrated and sometimes even thought of as "better" than being hearing. PfP: remember gender theory, queer theory? If we can deconstruct race, gender, and sex, why not ability?

It all seems so ridiculous at first, but people can, will, and are using logic to win their arguments. And we DO have to think about these things because people commonly think in terms of slippery slopes and domino effects when they think about things. Example: the notion that allowing same-sex couples to marry will make people want to marry more than one person. And more related to the issue at hand: some conservatives in the medical community feel the normalization of SRS was the “start of a slippery slope.”

And so...

Maybe, BIIS is just really misunderstood and not such a weird thing...but I don’t know. It still freaks me out. And I don’t know what to make of its comparison to transgender individuals. Is it a dangerous comparison to make? Should they even be compared — is it a valid comparison or not? And if it’s valid...what does that mean?

Sources:
Wikipedia
http://www.biid.org/meetings.php?lan=en
http://jcem.endojournals.org/cgi/reprint/85/5/2034
http://www.newsweek.com/2008/05/28/cutting-desire.html
http://ts-si.org/guest-columns/3643-psychiatric-politics-body-integrity-identity-disorder-biid

We Had It Right The First Time

2011-04-11T01:28:00.001-05:00

I usually write my blogs about whatever topic has popped up in my life. Recently, it’s been kids. Peers For Pride talked about the use of children in the Westboro Baptist Church’s “God H8s” video. I spoke with one of my supervisors about adopting a relaxed/child like mentality in order to really enjoy some of the things I’ve been doing lately. And then once more in my lit class when we read Audre Lorde’s essay The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action.

I’ve often heard people say “I learned everything I needed to know in kindergarten” or “we had it right the first time”, meaning that as we grew up we learned to hold our tongue and pass judgment and our scope of the world, in general, shrank. I read this blog called Gives Me Hope and the LGBTQ section is filled with stories of kids who don’t find anything wrong or disturbing about the idea of a same sex relationship, all they see is love. Children are born with their mind already opened, they haven’t learned the rules and regulations of society; they’ll grow into that and their mind will narrow.

In my 21 years of life I’ve only recently come to realize this. There is so much that I grew up learning that I had to unlearn to get to where I am now. For example, when I was little I didn’t care what it meant to walk around holding hands with my neighbor, who also happened to be a girl, or what the implications of playing dress up in my dad’s football jersey collection. I’m sure you all can relate to this careless, free at heart nature that children have. I’m envious, I want that back. I don’t want to care about what others think when I hold another girl’s hand around campus or if I decide to wear men’s clothes every now and again. I want that freedom that a child possesses, again. Think about what it would be like if you had never learned what shame was or if you never learned that you needed to be one of the masses. If society retained more of that mindset then just imagine what kind of world we would be living in; think about all the prejudice that would disappear.

Since we can’t exactly turn back time to our 5 year old consciousness, we have to think about what we can do right now. This may come as a shock to you…but there are currently kids in this world without all the ties that bind us to our very controlled and contained behaviors. I realized that we, the queer community, aren’t exactly capitalizing on these blank slate minds of kids. There is only so much they learn from their families before they become socialized by the rest of the world. There’s got to be some way to take the ideals of the queer community and express them to children. It could be a pilot program, maybe “Allies: From the Beginning”. But really, are we putting anything out into the world to teach children about the queer community? I see the random coloring book that has Jill and Jane running up the hill to fetch a pail of water and occasionally a children’s cartoon that has vague LGBTQ undertones (think Phil and Lil’s mom from Rugrats...) but what else! Is that it? There has to be more we could do. If we’re here saying that “we had it right the first time” and that we should be as open minded as children, shouldn’t we also be trying to preserve that open mindedness?

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength." - Oprah Winfrey

2011-04-10T20:58:00.005-05:00

Two years ago I won a trip to go to Washington DC with a group of kids from rural areas around Texas. When I walked into the hotel where all the kids were meeting for the first time, there she stood, leaning to the side, hands on her hips, so statue-esc. Her purple sparkly pants shinned bright next to the Wrangler jeans and cowboy hats everyone else was wearing.

I met her before she started her medical transition. During that week in Washington DC she and I forged a friendship that has lasted ever since and her activism inspired me to start my own path to be an ally. I’ll never forget her walking into her congressman’s office… She had a long list of pro- LGBTQ legislature that her congressman had not voted for. She was not apologetic for one second and I think she absolutely horrified our chaperones... Sadly they didn't let her ask any of her questions.

She would move to California and blossom into a powerful activist for the LGBTQ community.

Last week I received a phone call that shook me to my core. Mia had been sexually assaulted, beaten, and robbed on a way to a friend’s house. They were supposed to go dancing that night, one of her favorite pastimes. This never happens to someone you know... I was heartbroken for her.

This heartbreak soon turned to anger when I heard that Stephanie’s case may not be treated as a hate crime. The details of the case are still a little fuzzy, but from what I understand, this was the exact definition of a hate crime. I soon began digging through some research about hate crimes and stumbled upon some very disappointing news.

According to Equality Texas (www.equalitytexas.org), the Mathew Sheppard and James Byrd Hate Crime Act was enacted in 2009 to provide tougher punishment for offenders of hate crimes, including sexual identity. This law was enacted after decades of hard work from activist. However, according to Equality Texas, offenders are only given tougher punishment “if the prosecution is able to prove without a doubt that the offense was indeed committed as a result of one of these biases or prejudices.” This is extremely hard to do and therefore very few hate crimes have been taken to the courts since the act was signed into law.

Also, the James Byrd Hate Crime Act doesn’t require “equal punishment for gender expression/ identity crimes.” On a state to state basis, each state may include this. California does protect their citizens based on gender identity, but who’da thunk our beloved bluebonnet state doesn’t provide such laws?

Equality Texas has a poll that says that “67% of all Texas voters support passing hate crime legislation for transgender citizens.” Soooooooooooooooo why are we still not protecting ourselves from these types of hate crimes? Why isn’t my friend being protected from criminals that hate her because she doesn’t fit into their heteronormative, misogynistic, sexist, world?

For now, all I can do for my friend is to be there for her, support her, and keep trying to educate people about LGBTQ issues. She’s in all of our thoughts... If you want or are able to, she has given me permission to attach a link to her blog. Here she has listed a variety of ways to help her go through this tough time.

http://miatumutch.tumblr.com/

Our professor for Peers for Pride Shane Halley provided me with the fallowing websites, all which were useful, yet still saddening.

http://www.equalitytexas.org/ (I found this website VERY informative on all equality issues. It even has detailed information on bills going in front of the Texas House and Senate THIS session.)

http://thetaskforce.org/issues/hate_crimes_main_page

http://www.hrc.org/issues/5660.htm

Also, a friend drew the picture I attached for Mia. I find it so inspiring..

Another one bites the dust :-)

2011-04-10T17:20:00.005-05:00

NOM anti-gay activist now pro marriage equality

Yeah, I typed it big because that headline made my day and it deserves to be read large and loud. The article from 365gay.com surprised and inspired me with the story of how one of NOM's organizers came around to support marriage equality.

"Louis Marienelli, a key organizer for the National Organization for Marriage who coordinated NOM’s summer anti-gay marriage tour last year, drove the RV and blogged for it , now says he’s for marriage equality."

AND he's being vocal about it !!!!!!!! YAY !!!!!!!! it's almost enough to bring a happy tear to my eye :-)

Granted this Louis Marienelli is far from informed ally status, he thinks homosexuality could be a mental disorder........BUT, listen to these next quotes where he talks about the counter protesters he encountered during the NOM Bus tour....and then just try not to say AWWWWWW!

“The NOM showing in the heart of the Bible-belt was dismal and the hundreds of counter-protesters who showed up were nothing short of inspiring."

“Even though I had been confronted by the counter-protesters throughout the marriage tour, the lesbian and gay people whom I made a profession out of opposing became real people for me almost instantly. For the first time I had empathy for them and remember asking myself what I was doing.”

I think he deserves A LOT of recognition from the LGBTQ community because what he did takes a significant amount of guts, especially from someone in his position. Admitting you were wrong is never easy, but doing it in such a public way (when there's nobody forcing you to) is really really brave.

An important thing to take away from this article is the power that EXPOSURE can have on a person's heart and mind. Many people have never even met a gay couple prior to forming their opinions on gay marriage. Out on the NOM tour across America Marienelli encountered real people with real emotions tied to their inability to marry the one's they love....that experience of exposure to the other side obviously made a big difference.

Reading this article reminded me of John Corvino, an amazing activist, author, and columnist on 365gay.com who came and spoke to our Peers for Pride class this semester. As we all sat and drooled over his incredible amount of smarts and general smoking hotness, he talked about going and having drinks with his most outspoken critics. John told us how important it is to genuinely understand your opposition and to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, as the expression goes. I can't help but wonder if John or another equality supporter might have taken Marienelli out for drinks after a long day on the road, or helped him change a flat tire or given him driving directions. I think sometimes it's simple acts of kindness from the people you are fighting against that have more power to change a heart than the strongest most fool proof argument or piece of evidence out there.

No matter what (or who) it was that finally convinced Marienelli to support equality, I'm thankful that he is now on our side. I hope that his courage and story will inspire others and lead to more vocal allies in communities all across the country.

Read the article and "share" it on Facebook if it moves you. Maybe the main stream media will eventually pick it up and reach even more people.

And to Louis Marienelli I say THANK YOU for your courage to do the right thing.

More Far Away

2011-04-09T15:27:00.002-05:00

Trigger alert - sexual violence details below, could be triggering to some readers.

If you know me, you know I’m not shy. Of course there are things that make me nervous, but that seems to just be proof that I’m a human being. I’m not shy though. When we first meet, we can talk. Really talk. This moment isn’t any different at all. I’m only twenty-one years old, but I’ve already decided I don’t have anything to hide.

My name is Zac and I’m a survivor.

After I say that, the first thing to come into my mind is middle school. This is a time that no one I know looks back on fondly. Gym class was the worst part of it for me. I always feel like I’m not supposed to just jump to the saddest part of a story. But what am I supposed to do if the story is only has sad parts? Middle school P.E. meant changing in a freezing cold locker room with a dozen other boys. While most people could look straight ahead or only at their own bodies as they changed clothes, I wasn’t really given that opportunity. I remember one boy, not quite as tall as me, so thin his ribs protruded from his body; his shoulder bones stretched his skin thin. He’d stand behind me while I changed, leaning toward me, his mouth close to my ear.

“Why do you act like that?”
“Like what?” I’d ask back. It was a genuine question. I didn’t understand the problem; I still don’t understand the problem.
“Why do you act like such a faggot?” A little spit from the last syllable on my cheek or my earlobe.

People understand why I dislike the word faggot, but they don’t understand why it makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe this will make it a little clearer. Because what followed his fucked up question was something I didn’t talk about for years. I’m always scared it doesn’t sound that bad. Where the need for people to validate my pain or past trauma came from, I’m not sure, but that feeling often looms when I speak about my childhood.

That lanky kid suddenly wasn’t the only person behind me. One more, two more, three more. And they came closer, pressing themselves into me. There were hands between my legs, a knee against my ass, hands against my throat… It’s hard for me to understand even now that no one ever helped me. If they saw it, if we made eye contact, they’d slam their lockers closed and flee the locker room. I wish I could just flee the locker room. Because even after they were done groping and taunting me, I’d keep my eyes clenched close and listen to them leaving. Their sneakers squeaked toward the exit in unison together, laughter like punches in the gut. I swallowed every slur in small gulps. My face red as fuck. No other way to describe it.

It’s hard for me to understand why I didn’t help myself.

I was too nice to throw any punches. Too nice to speak except to whisper stop stop stop stop. Because this happened all the time – every single day in my gym class. I was asked “Do you like that, faggot?” or “Is that what you wanted, you fucking queer?” or “Does that feel good? Fucking sick.”

It has taken years, but now I use “queer” as a term for my identity. It’s a word that is empowering and beautiful and complex. Just like people are, I guess. Not people like these. They really don’t deserve any opportunity. I mean that with all of my strength even after all of this time. They don’t deserve a single fucking opportunity from me.

It wasn’t what I wanted. Two years before this all happened, in fourth grade, I was called a “faggot,” pushed down by a group of boys my age while I was running, and I broke my wrist. I wasn’t ready then, either. And years later in 2009, my second semester of college, I wasn’t ready to be raped. Rape is a loaded word to me. I sometimes feel like I can’t claim it because although it took me too long, I was able to make him stop. Maybe “rape” is a word that should be assigned to something worse than what happened to me...but I feel like that’s impossible to measure. And when he was inside of me having used no lubricant, with his hand over my mouth, his drunken eyes glazed over, I used that word in my head. No one was home then, but if they had been, I question whether or not I would have been able to ask them for help. That would be a different kind of exposure right then. If I’d been found, face in a frozen expression, naked except for the comforter beneath me I’d been gripping tighter and tighter – maybe I’d have felt even worse. He left behind a cloud of the stench of alcohol and sweat. It stuck to my bedroom and the hallway.

Afterward, I lost the word “rape” somewhere in my throat and chest and rib cage and knees. It took a long time for me to find it again. It’s hard to remember where I found it, but once I did, some kind of healing begins.

My strategy has always been to talk nonchalantly about the things that have happened to me. I talk lightly about all the terrible things in my past – sexual abuse, horrible bullying, rape, and all of the other times I felt as though no one gave me the opportunity to give or not give my consent. But here I am to try a different strategy – for the first time in awhile. After all, I’m a survivor. For me to become a survivor and remain a survivor, I have to be willing to be malleable like my mind and emotions are. I’m alive and trying.

Limiting Safe Space

2011-04-08T02:13:00.002-05:00

Recently an amendment was passed to the Texas state budget involving funding for centers such as UT’s Gender and Sexuality Center (GSC). The amendment attempts to get funding for a traditional family values center to counteract a resource like the GSC on a state college’s campus. I find this amendment idiotic, homophobic, and sexist. The GSC provides resources to oppressed groups on campus that face discrimination and provides a much needed safe place to the women and LGBTQIA identified members of the UT community. The importance of this safe spaces stems from the oppression these groups face and a traditional family values center would just increase the oppression by furthering the homophobic message that queer individuals lead immoral lives. If anyone knows me, I’m opinionated and I share my opinions to anyone who will listen when it comes to social justice issues. Unfortunately, I lost my only personal safe space by sharing my opinion about this issue.

As many college students do, I call a cramped dorm room I share with one other person home. Although my walls are made of concrete and all my furniture is attached to the wall, I’ve done my best to turn my side of the room into a cozy sanctuary overlooking north campus. In all of Austin, this is my only opportunity for a personal safe place but I am forced to share it with my roommate. I have always thought that the homophobia stopped when I shut my door. I thought of my door as magic and as long as I was inside my room, I was safe from hateful comments. I often talked to my roommate (sometimes ranted) about anything I found homophobic, racist, sexist, classist, or oppressive to any group of people. I knew we didn’t agree on everything, but I never expected to hear anything homophobic. A few days ago, I talked with my roommate about the traditional family values center. My roommate expressed her approval of it and continued to inform me of her opinion on the sinfulness of gay sex. I talked to her for about an hour and by the end of the conversation I was hurt. I found my roommate’s opinions homophobic and at times sexist. It turns out my door isn’t magical and hate has infested my safe space.

I feel compelled to tell my personal story because I want to provide a real world example of why safe space is so important especially to someone of a marginalized identity. Oppression upon marginalized identities prevents individuals with these identities to feel comfortable and safe at times while in public. For most people, their home is their refuge. College students living in dorm environments do not always have that luxury. The college dorm does not provide complete privacy. The combination of the nature or dorm life combined with the bad luck of a non-ally roommate, deprives dorm residents of their refuge. For this reason, spaces such as the GSC are vital to the well-being of many students.

The valuable service the GSC provides to the UT campus by offering a safe space for the queer identified students cannot be found anywhere else on campus. The center proposed in the amendment to the budget would undermine the GSC and cause division on campus. Essentially, the center would focus on heterosexuality and would denounce queer identities. Honestly, it would be redundant. Straight people are the cultural norm and heterosexism permeates everything. I often get mad at my Spanish textbook for being heteronormative. Information on healthy sexuality for heterosexual identified individuals is already readily available on campus. Not only is the traditional family values center not needed, the center would cause division.

The center would give students an outlet for homophobia and polarize the UT community. My safe space within my dorm has vanished due to simply the suggestion of a traditional family values center. If the center were to actually be implemented, the UT campus would most likely split into three groups: one group backing the GSC, one group backing the traditional family values center, and of course one apathetic group. Also, I fail to understand how a center advocating for equality for a marginalized group can exist while another center advocates for their depravity. In my opinion, the centers would not be able to coexist.

I have a request. Go to the GSC and take a friend with you. Even if you are a supporter of a traditional family values center, go. See for yourself the beauty of the space. See that it is not a place of sinfulness but instead a place of acceptance.

Now I want to leave all my peers who also care about equality with a quote from Gloria Anzalduá.

“Though we tremble before uncertain futures may we meet illness, death, and adversity with strength. May we dance in the face of our fears”

Classifications

2011-04-08T01:47:00.002-05:00

More and more I am realizing the importance classification has on society, and the positive and negative roles it can have. I think things like census's and other documents that require us to meticulously right down or click which words or phrases best describe who we are and in what stage of our lives we are in. I am someone who hates to feel out these questionnaires because I typically feel as though I am lumping myself into some generalized group, and have lost all my individuality or what makes Peace Peace.

However, I consider what classifications have the potential to do. It helps to formulate statistics that can lead to research within various groups. For minority ethnic/racial groups and cultures research can be the key to helping those who may disadvantaged. In speaking in terms of the LGBTQ population this is most important because so little research is done and known about the various communities within this population. When speaking in terms of health and psychological advancements this is most important in understanding if we are in any way wanting to help people and/or eliminate disparities that divide different groups. Thus, in a way these classifications actually emphasize our differences and allows us to see that we are all different and are in need of various specific needs to sustain our well-being. I guess the next time I fill out an application that asks me whether I am black or what my income status is, I will know this may be all for the greater cause!

Imagine

2011-04-08T00:04:00.002-05:00

Ok, so hold on to your seat because this is going to be upsetting.

Imagine that you are in prison; as if that was not enough imagine that you are MTF transgender individual in mention prison. Now imagine that the government decided to put you in a male prison. That is what happened to Veronica Baxter. She was imprisoned in a male jail and was found hanging in her cell. ALAS the corrective services will never admit that they committed an error, of course not they stated that Veronica seemed “happy and talking”.

I thought officials were trained on techniques of deception. I am personally related to this, because sometimes we are forced to smile even when the structures of my insides are crumbling into pieces.

Veronica asked to be transferred to a female prison but her request was denied (what a shocker huh)

The question arises, did she really killed herself, or was she murdered by transphobic inmates and maybe even perhaps personnel? Apparently she made multiple calls to the staff using a knock-up box that apparently is used for emergencies. But it seems as if no one can remember why she called or who answered those calls.

But you know, it takes an even such as this for people to learn their lesson, now the corrective services are going to keep record of those calls and what the inmates wanted.

I personally do not know what to think. She might have killed herself, after all in a male dominated prison some bullying and harassment is almost bound to happen. Especially in that kind of environment where masculinity is the only language they speak. Or she could have been murdered by people from that prison. What it is more annoying to me is the fact that no one remembered what she wanted; it is as if her requests did not matter.

Let me tell you something, they do!

Everyone has the right to be heard, and in an environment such as that, where one can see there is a constant danger to a person, this right should be highlighted.

Now imagine a future, where stuff like this do not happen......I bet its pretty awesome.

What's the T with the Dark Purple Pride?: Celebrating Black Queerness

2011-04-07T23:58:00.000-05:00

Fierce, serve, house, kiki, shade, confused? I bet you are. These words only get spoken in certain spaces. Let me tell you, those spaces are very Black and very Queer. Both of which make me very happy.

During the last Queer People of Color and Allies meeting we discussed Queer language that is unique to Queer People of Color (QPOC) communities. When first asked, “What are some queer slang you use?” no one answered and everyone looks as confused as a gay man does after he accidentally hit on a pretty boi dyke. (Trust me it works in reverse, I’ve done it. You know you are in an amazing Queer space when the gays and lesbians look the same.) However, once we started looking at some examples we couldn’t stop talking. We all realized something. Our communities are unique and it has its own culture. More importantly we realized yet again race and ethnicity have a massive influence on Queer culture (and vice versa).

Unfortunately, we forget about this because QPOC communities are largely invisible towards the mainstream Queer communities. Marginalized communities tend to get pushed to the corners even though they make a large share of a larger community. Racial politics of power and privilege oftentimes come in play in the Queer community. As a result, it is up to those marginalized groups to create their own safe space so they can practice their culture without any scrutiny.

This is the reason why we need Queer spaces like the Gender and Sexuality Center; and why a straight center is unnecessary. Just like how Queer spaces are needed, spaces for racial minorities are important as well. Moreover, since Queer racial minorities are a marginalized group within the Queer community, ethnic Queer spaces are needed.

On May 12 through May 15^th in Houston there is a huge Black Queer event called Splash. For a whole week all the Black Queer establishments are hosting events and at the end of the week everyone gathers at Galveston to party. This event is important to the Black Queer community. Almost anyone who is Black queer identified knows about it in Texas. It is like a Black pride (which Dallas has one).

Now some might ask “Wait. You mean to tell me there is a separate pride? Why can’t we all celebrate together? Isn’t this racist? We are all the same right?” Okay. Normally, these questions or accusations come from a privileged person. Let’s get real here. By privileged person, I mean white queer person. Let’s list what’s wrong with this argument.

1. Black pride is not a separate pride it is a DIFFERENT pride.

2. We can celebrate together. Come to Black pride and celebrate with us. QPOC people attend white Queer event all the time. Get over your privilege.

3. Black pride is a celebration of the Black queer community and culture. Something that gets ignored in mainstream Queer celebrations.

4. Celebrating a unique community with its own cultural practices and history is not racist. It becomes racist if it does so with the intent of oppressing or suppressing another racial groups.

5. “We are all the same right?” What does being the same look like? Normally, this question is comes from a white framework. Sameness means assimilation. This assimilation means the destruction of one culture and the adoption of another. This is a toxic mindset for any community to embrace. Just like how the Queer community should not assimilate into heternormativity, racial minorities should not be expected to assimilate into white culture.

6. How about we celebrate our differences. Hello DIVERSITY! Difference does not have to be divisive. In fact it makes the human experience enriching and could make us stronger.

Now while some people are busy hating on Black pride, I’m going to chilling on Galveston beach checking out all the hot stems and studs. Now that’s the T or the talk with the always fierce Black Queer Celebrations.

The Wonderful Bella Abzug

2011-04-07T16:08:00.001-05:00

So being a Communication Studies major, a number of speeches/presentations are in my near future. Maybe a few more than I can handle, but that’s another topic for another day… and possibly another blog. But anyway… currently I am doing research for a persuasive speech about why ENDA should be passed. ENDA, or the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, was first introduced to Congress in 1994 with the purpose of eliminating job discrimination based on sexual orientation. This piece of legislation has undergone lots of changes, but according to the National Center for Lesbian Rights it will now be put forth including sexual orientation or gender identity, which is defined to include gender expression. With all hopes that the interpretations will support an all-inclusive stance, the outlook is bright right? But what if I told you that in 1975 a bill was introduced that not only pushed for non-discrimination in employment, but that proposed that sexual orientation be added to Federal Civil Rights Law? You would most likely be surprised yes?

Well here is the deal. Bella Abzug was the amazing woman that introduced the bill in 1975. She was a lawyer, Congresswomen, social activist, and major leader of the Women’s Movement. She was an advocate for LGBT equality and her bill would come to help lay the groundwork for ENDA. And I don’t know if you caught it, but she introduced her bill in 1975! 1975! Here it is 2011 and we are struggling just to try to get legislation passed for protection against discrimination in the work place. With that it is easy to see why Bella Abzug was a visionary and why her passion and determination should continue on in those of us that wish to see the LGBTQ communities have equal rights.

I will leave you with a quote from Bella:

"WOMEN HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A LIPSTICK. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!"

http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageServer?pagename=issue_federallegislation_enda

http://www.library.csi.cuny.edu/dept/history/lavender/386/babzug.html

"Reverse Homophobia" Is Not A Real Thing

2011-04-07T11:39:00.002-05:00

I came across a blog the other day that made me squirm a little bit. It was a short rant about how some person or another hated people who are “reverse homophobic” and think that gay people are by far superior to straight people in every way.

So I think its pretty safe to say that anyone hating any group of people or claiming that one group of people is superior to another group by default is problematic. But the term “reverse homophobia” is also very problematic. If we define homophobia as a system of oppression that benefits the heterosexual and heteronormative majority at the expense of every other sexual minority or gender variant group, which for the sake of simplicity in this argument we will, this is a very problematic statement. Why? Because it doesn’t exist. The group that does not hold power cannot “oppress” the other group, even if its true that they do hate or resent the group that holds power. In our society, a group of queer people are not benefited at the expense of straight people in any scenario. Even if the situation is on an individual level and a queer person commits and act that one could be deemed “oppressive” to a straight person, chances are the person who identifies as straight in that situation still has the upper hand, the advantage, and the power to oppress. How? The person that hold power in a conflict is the person who has the power to take it away from the individual level.

So lets say we have a queer identified person and a straight identified person, and they are engaged in this very argument. Said queer person has claimed that all queer people are superior, said straight person disagrees. This straight person could (not saying this would happen, just that it could) could them use the power and beliefs of the majority to shame the queer person, make a huge generalized statement that queer people in general are prejudiced against straight people, or just write them off as some other queer person who’s views do not matter. In short, the straight person could use that argument and their experience with that queer person to validate their resulting views and apply them to that group of people, the queer community. Could this happen if it were the other way around? If it were the straight person expressing their views of straight superiority to a queer person? Nope, not really. Chances are that the queer person would never be able to get the majority of the population (which is straight) to believe that the majority (still straight) is full of prejudice, bigotry, or that they’re oppressive to queer people. Why? Because they don’t have the power of the majority to make them believe that.

This issue is not black and white. There is of course a lot overlap, but the point is that we recognize who holds power, who is really oppressed, and who just thinks they’re being oppressed because they don’t they are holding power or privilege.

As one last note, I would like to point out that as a queer person who is part of a community I view personally as warm and loving, I acknowledge that this view is easy to fall into. And we all have prejudices, which should be owned. On most given days I will still swear to anyone that a room of queer people is going to smell better than a room of almost any other group of people. As a community, we really just smell fabulous. Is it true? No idea. Do I still believe it? Absolutely. Is it oppressive? Probably not. Its when hate gets thrown into the mix and when a groups’ worth is thrown in with a power imbalance that things get yucky and oppressive and we should all be aware of that.

Athletes are people too.

2011-04-06T18:21:00.000-05:00

So I like sports. Good god I can't play sports to save my life BUT watching sports, especially with hot wings and beer, is my sport and I'm good at it!

Originally, I wanted to write about the coverage of the NCAA National Championships, how the men's was well advertised, while the women's... well... people knew about it. Did they watch? My significant other and I did. It upset me a little. Women have the bracket just like men did so why didn't the President, and EVERYBODY ELSE for that matter, pick a winner for the men's teams but not the women's? These women can PLAY too! They aren't having tea parties on that court for sure. In fact, according to an article written on outsports.com, the women outscored the men by over 50 points during their championship games. And this is the ONLY time you will hear me say this but GO AGGIES! Never again people.

Women outscore men for championship

But then I realized how the gender binary factored into this discussion. It isn't inclusive as I would have liked it to be. As a society, we don't recognize (until we recognize) that there are other ways to self-identify besides "male" or "female" binaries. To acknowledge that is to acknowledge all people who want to be gender-non-conforming.

So I went the complete opposite route and looked at an article my significant other found on ESPN about George Washington basketball player Kye Allums. He is an amazing individual. The first out transgender athlete to play an NCAA sport, he decided to not take testosterone so he could continue to play with his teammates on the George Washington women's basketball team. COMPLETE props to ESPN though for using the pronouns he wanted them to use. Even though the article is about concussions, which is sad, they took the time and respect to know and use the proper pronouns to write it.

Transgender women's basketball player Kye Allums reflects on season

This is a big deal. Besides the fact that ESPN is owned by the Disney corporation (being a LGBT-friendly company), this is such a male-dominated website. You have to click on the "More Sports" tab just to get to the stories about women's sports, let alone search "Kye Allums" to get stories about him. But I was able to find and watch the ESPN "Outside the Lines" story on him (link below):

OTL: Transgender Athlete
(Warning: the language and content in this video may trigger or upset you)

Personally, I believe this is a huge step in the right direction. I know we talk about baby step all the time but this is a jump. Kye is paving the way for many young transpeople, and LGBT-identified people, to be out and athletic. As his coach mentioned in the video, it was difficult at first but his teammates were able to grow. They use "he/him" instead of "she/her" when referring to Kye and call him Kye instead of his birth name Kay-Kay. To see this progress in sports is wonderful, because the assumption is it's just straight people playing ball. Maybe Kye's stories can give courage and hope to those who might be struggling with their own identities. Below is a FANTASTIC article written by outsports.com, which is now my new favorite sports website.

Kye Allums: Transgender man playing NCAA women's basketball

"Mamá, I want to be without fronteras"

2011-03-29T01:41:00.008-05:00

Can’t you see that it isn’t he who made me?
Tantas palabras atrapadas en la mente
Maybe you don’t understand, I am not bound by a man
Y si, esa sera mi suerte

No es la traición de un hombre
That makes me fall for women
Ni las cadenas de mi nombre
That make me the antonym

Of your world, which is also mine.
Cuantas veces he intentado
To erase the border, the line
Que te divide de mi lado

Quiero existir en un mundo sin lados
Where you would see me for who I am
Y no tus fallos, sueños crucificados
Where fear and confusion I could slam

Shut, forever. Sparing me the shame
De separarme de ti
Of denying my love, my life and name
De separarme de mi

No fue el abuso, ni la cólera
That made me fall in love with her
Es que aunque mi pasado no fuera
I know that I would still love her

And that’s all you need to know
No importa como nací
Or what I wear, where I go
No importa como crecí

No importa nada, más lo que me enseñaste:
Love. Without it I wouldn’t have known
Como regresarlo, pero tu me lo mostraste
Without your love I couldn’t have grown

Into the person I am today
No lo voy a combatir.
Does it really matter if I’m gay?
Con quién quiero compartir?

Pues que no puedes ver?
I have learned to be free
No puedes conocer?
It’s your love that made me

'Passing'

2011-03-28T21:20:00.001-05:00

At every facilitation we write the name of our blog down in hopes that people will come and read what we have to say. I know that there are people who wrote down the web address and now actually check out our blog on a fairly regular basis. So to those people and of course the rest of my class, I’d like to get your opinion on something. How do you feel about ‘passing’?

Recently, the idea of ‘passing’ has seeped it’s way all up and through my life. Prior to recently, I had only encountered ‘passing’ when it came to Trans folk. I think, maybe, I had read a not too well written article on how the goal of all Trans individuals was to ‘pass’ once and that’s about all the experience I had with the verb. In one of my other classes we studied Ballroom/Drag culture and watched the documentary Paris Is Burning (amazing, by the way). In their world, you’re judged on your ability to ‘pass’; you receive all sorts of praise and honors and trophies if you can ‘pass’. I had only ever thought of ‘passing’ in correlation with gender/gender expression. It wasn’t until this weekend that I saw ‘passing’ in a different light and really understood the meaning behind it.

So I spent the weekend in quite possibly the most suburban surroundings imaginable, a little league tournament in Round Rock. And not just any little league tournament either, but a state wide little league tournament…meaning these parents and their kids we’re basically professional suburbanites. I knew going in that it would be like that, but my little cousin was playing and I had promised him I’d come watch a game. To an extent I’m used to toning ‘it’ down around my family, you know ‘it’…my being a lesbian and having thoughts and ideas and opinions about the world, especially cookie cutter-esque worlds. But this weekend I had to go so much farther than toning ‘it’ down, I had to ‘pass’. For the sake of not myself but my aunt and uncle and cousin who live in this world I had to ‘pass’ as the perfect hetero niece. It had nothing to do with gender just about needing for that time to be something you’re not. In case you were concerned, I ‘passed’ well…turns out I can be quite the convincing heterosexual when the time calls for it.

I’ve become so accustom to being out and generally expressing myself in those terms. I think being out about your sexuality is one of the most powerful things you can do in terms of activism. I saw Dustin Lance Black (he wrote the screenplay for Milk and is now rather active in the political realm) speak last semester on campus and he said that when people ask him how can they start to help the “gay rights movement” he always tells them to come out. I really took that to hurt and worked on building being out into my personality so that even the cashier at Starbucks could say “oh cool, a lesbian!” However at that baseball game, out was the last thing I wanted to be and it was necessary to ‘pass’ and a hide a bit of who I am. I’m almost ashamed to admit it but in an effort to lift some of that shame I wanted to blog about it here and get others opinions. This is where I want to know, what does it mean to you ‘to pass’? How do you feel about the idea of ‘passing’? Where does passing fit into your ideology of being out?

YOU should be in Peers for Pride. Yes, you. And the person reading this over your shoulder.

2011-03-28T09:23:00.000-05:00

It was around this time last year that I began thinking about joining Peers for Pride and what it would mean for me to be in a peer facilitation program for the LGBTQ community. And to be completely honest, I don't think I had any real idea of what I was getting into. All I knew was that I had always loved gay people, and that I wanted to be able to consider myself a better ally.

Did I actually know what an ally meant?

Did I actually know anything about the queer community besides a stereotypical view of gay men, lesbians, and drag queens?

Did I truly see the challenges faced by the queer community and understand how true activism works?

I can wholeheartedly answer “no” to all of the above. My general attitude toward queer folk was that they were totally rad and deserved the right to be in love, blah blah blah. Which isn't a bad place to start, but I had, and still have, so much to learn. Know that there are LGBTQ folk who aren't even allies to themselves and aren't even aware of it – everyone has room to grow on this subject.

So, yes, if you consider yourself an ally, or would like to consider yourself a better trained ally, I highly encourage you to consider applying to be in Peers for Pride. In addition to learning vast amounts of knowledge about the queer community and meeting some of the kindest, smartest, wittiest people you will ever meet, I believe that you will also gain one other imperative body of knowledge.

When asked why I do Peers for Pride, it's a very different answer from why I did Peers for Pride. I already denoted my original intentions for joining the class. But why I stuck with it and the value I currently see in it is a slightly different answer.

There is a revolution that is under way – lead by queer folk, feminists, body activists, etc. And no, I don't mean that in a few weeks all gay people will don meat dresses and pink pitchforks and venture out into war (although I wouldn't be surprised if certain people thought that.) What I do mean is that queer folk, out of necessity to make a place for themselves in every day life and society, have discovered the tools required to encourage love one's self, one's body, and one's presentation in the world.

What I'm getting at here is that gay people are not just lobbying on behalf of gay people – we are the leaders in a movement that will have a lasting and revolutionary affect on all humans, all bodies. The transman working tirelessly to love his body, accept his body, and get his friends and family to accept his body will affect the cisgender man struggling with his own body issues. The lesbian holding her girlfriend's hand in public will have an affect on the heterosexual woman who is afraid to love someone because she's “not supposed to.” The gay man struggling with masculinity will affect the straight man struggling with his masculinity.

Gender identity and sexual orientation touch the very core of our souls, the very core of our outward existence in the world. If your body was challenged every day, in and out, for simply just being, how would you feel? If your love was debated and disputed everywhere you went, from your home to the mall, how would you feel? If you would like to find a more personal answer to these questions, then I would suggest that you visit this website, http://bit.ly/ciO9V3, and download an application to be a member of Peers for Pride. It truly is something you won't regret.

documentary rants and raves

2011-03-28T01:30:00.002-05:00

This past month, I have had the privilege of watching groundbreaking documentaries dealing with important issues in the LGBTQ community. The one that has had the most effect on me was 'Southern Comfort,'

Southern Comfort is a documentary that came out 10 years ago and follows final year of transman, Robert Eads. Before I can go any further, let me just say that this man is one of the most amazing queer figures I have ever seen. He is a Southern Gentleman, oozing with charm and wisdom. He's your typical mans man, rugged bearded hunter with cowboy boots and hat and a love for country music. We then meet his girlfriend, Lola Cola. An elegant transwoman with Betty Boop humor and whit. As we begin to peek into their beautiful Romance and their history of meeting in SoCo (an annual Southern United States convention exploring trans life and issues), we learn that Robert is suffering from Ovarian Cancer. As Robert put it, its quite ironic that the only part of him that was still a woman was killing him. When first diagnosed with terminal cancer, Eads contacted nearly fifty doctors each refusing treatment due to the face that he is transgender. The film explores the lives of other trans men and women and their stories of growing up in the South. In the end, Robert passes away. There is little doubt that he could have at least suffered less and lived a little longer had he not been forced to suffer without treatment.
Whatever happened to that oath that doctors take vowing to treat anyone and everyone? I try not to ponder this too much because it is too saddening a thought that there are people on this Earth who have the means of making life so good for others, but by choice make it worse.

This is definitely the best film I've seen all year, and probably the most important I'll see in a while.

2011-03-27T22:49:00.004-05:00

I happened to catch bits and pieces of a Lifetime movie called "Prayers for Bobby". The character Bobby grew up in a conservative family and town, and upon going away to college he came out as a gay man. I am not quite sure what led up to this, but he ended up committing suicide. I happened to catch the scene of the funeral where the priest was speaking on how sin begat (er..old bible words) sin, basically stating how unfortunate the truth is that when you live in a sinful manner, you are more apt to committing other sinful acts. In another scene the mother visits a school, I'm not sure again where it is, but it appears to be a catholic school, but surprisingly the Father teaches a message of tolerance and love that God has for all people. His statement was genuine, but I wonder sometimes how many religious authorities or religious groups actually believe what they are saying when they say this.

The more I see the religion and the LGBTQ community come at "odds", the more I think about my monologue, and essentially what I have learned from it (weirdly). I have become more sound in my beliefs, which enables me to talk more openly and openly engage in dialogue. I have only heard the Christian vs homosexuality argument, but not any on other religions. I doubt seriously that Christianity is the only religion that has been responsible for hurtful language against the LGBTQ community. I feel as though there are other people in other religions who may be LGBTQ identified who go through similar struggles and it would be interesting to hear that argument and those experiences.

I have a really good friend who is from Pakistan, but when I asked about LGBTQ issues and where that fits in with Islam, I did not get a direct answer. It was a general glazed over example that God loves everyone.

I do believe that Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc state the belief that God loves everyone, but the actions we display can be contrary to that statement. At times, I feel that we need to breakdown what the meaning of love means in our respective religions. If we believe that our God can love everyone unconditionally, who are we to think we are so much better that we cannot do the same. I wish sometimes people would be real with their feelings so that they would stop giving these sugar coated answers when asked about topics around homosexuality. Just confront your prejudices, and maybe you can grow from it!

Not every day can be a "Holi" day

2011-03-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

Oh "Holi" Night indeed!
What is she meaning?, you ponder with a confused look on your face.
You probably look confused because you didn't come to the awesomeness on UT campus Saturday.
Or maybe you saw it and thought to yourself, "You crazy kids with paint on their faces!"
Or maybe you were there! (kudos if you were because you might understand my sentiments)

According to India Express, Holi is celebrated "on the day after the full moon in early March. Originally a festival to celebrate good harvests and fertility of the land, Holi is now a symbolic commemoration of a legend from Hindu Mythology...Today, Holi is an excuse for Indians [or all people who want to be included] to shed inhibitions and...differences for a day of spring fever and big fun."

This small summary really explained the reasons why people celebrate it but let me explain what happened. We all got these little bags of powdered color, and we throw, smear, pour, toss it on all our friends and people near us. I'll never forget what one of the students from Hindu Student Association said before we started: this celebration is for us to come together as one community, and in the end, we all look the same and our differences don't matter anymore.

BINGO! I GOT IT! I found out how to cure all injustices and inequalities! I'm going to walk around with a little bag of colored powder and anytime I see something that's unequal, I'm going to throw powder on it! That way everything is just a mess all the time.

Whoa whoa whoa... Was that right? Will everything just look the same? Will we never be able to celebrate our differences? Will all the colors and identities just run together in one mass of brown? Isn't that what makes this country so important...? Sometimes it makes this country so deadly. People are attacked for being innovative or different. People are attacked for also not standing up for themselves or sticking up for others.

Is it more important to celebrate our differences or just appreciate our human sameness? As it's difficult for me to think in extremes, we always need to have a happy medium for things, including differences/similarities. Maybe that's why we have days like Holi, so we can just forget that we are different for just one day but then all other days celebrate our differences. We aren't talking about our issues but that's ok! We don't always need to talk; sometimes we just need to laugh, forget there are problems for a couple of hours, and love our fellow human.

Holi: The Festival of Colours

Sports and the Reinforcement of Masculinity and Heterosexuality

2011-03-27T19:27:00.002-05:00

Most of my life I’ve felt an inexplicable aversion to the world of organized sports. I enjoy exercise, personal achievement, and competition but I enjoy it on my own terms. I play on teams with my friends, where we play for fun and competition, and push myself to achieve in individual sports, like running, biking, and surfing. As for watching games and keeping up with teams and standings, I’ve never been one to get pleasure from passively watching other people live life, whether it be acting out a script on a TV show or playing a team sport. I’d rather be doing those things myself. That being said, I still couldn’t fully articulate why it was that I didn’t like most organized sports until I read an excerpt in my Social Justice textbook titled “Sport: Where Men are Men and Women Are Trespassers.”

The essay, written by Pat Griffin, dissects the hidden meanings and messages within sports and sheds new light on the effect they have on our culture. Let’s take a look at some of the messages Green mentions. 1. Boys learn at a young age that they are nearly required to take part in sports so they can, in essence, learn how to become a man. Through their participation in sports, boys are taught to be tough (and not be a “sissy” or “girl”) and to compete ruthlessly with other boys. They are also taught that athletics are a way to gain attention and status. This is part of a man’s socialization process and serves to reinforce traditional masculine gender roles.

What kind of room, then, is left for women? Or LGBTQ people? The fact is that this institution makes it clear that there isn’t a place for either. We’re seen as trespassers and those of us who want to play will pay severely for not conforming to gender stereotypes. 2. There has been great resistance to having equal access and funding for women’s sports teams. Further, when women do play, their femininity and heterosexuality are questioned. How often has the lesbian label been used as a mechanism of control that reduces women’s serious participation in sport? How often do women feel pressured to sexualize themselves in the sports world to assert their femininity? Google Amanda Beard, Danica Patrick, and Anna Kournikova and tell me what you find.

3. The world of sports is the only place where male intimacy is allowed. Teammates embrace to celebrate victory, guys will slap each other’s butts, and men cry without being ridiculed after losing a game. Massive amounts of time are spent together and this includes time in hotel rooms, locker rooms, and showers. But these men are still seen as pillars of masculinity. This is very important because a gay man would encroach on this heterosexual, fraternal bastion, which is why LGBTQ involvement in sport is so threatening. Of course there are gay men in sports but they remain in the closet. If teammates knew some of their comrades were gay they would no longer feel free to express closeness and intimacy. And they would feel as though their ability to define their masculinity through engagement in sport was in jeopardy. Oh, the horror!

What if… men were able to express affection and bonding at any time? What if… men didn’t feel it necessary to flaunt their masculinity as if it was in danger of evaporating? What exactly is masculinity anyway?! The “rules” of society and culture continue to confuse me.

Listening to the Rainbow

2011-03-27T17:12:00.001-05:00

My relationship with love songs is complicated. At times, this relationship can take me on a beautiful magical ride which leaves me fantasizing about a much desired situation. Other times, it leaves me unsatisfied and frustrated. Being single and young can be hard at times. Then add being Queer to the mix and sometimes I really feel like a minority when looking at the dating pool.

Music is powerful medium of communication. Even though my iTunes is largely heteronomitive, love songs from a heterosexual experience can evoke strong emotions for me. This really proves how romance is a universal experience regardless of the various forms it manifests itself. Even though I can relate to heternomative love songs, I’d love to be able to feel lonely or enchanted after listening to a song about same sex love. However, after listening to some mainstream Queer artists I’ve notice their love songs are gender neutral. In an attempt to reach a wider audience these artists seem to be self censoring themselves. Luckily for me the Queer music underground fulfills this need.

Unfortunately, these artists stay in the underground. Maybe major record labels don’t feel Queer artist who are authentic in their art are not marketable, because the majority (straight people) will feel alienated. Hopefully this will change in the future and it will take Queer artist in the mainstream to step up. Surprise! Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” does not count.

Until then, it is important for us to create a demand for more sexual diversity in the music industry by supporting amazing underground Queer musicians. Without demand there will be no supply. And won’t it be lovely to be able to jam to some Queer music on the radio? For those who are sick of bad Lesbian folk music and being forced to listen to some obnoxious woman on an acoustic guitar with little lyrical and vocal talent, no need to fret my friend. Good Queer music exists! Or more specifically good Lesbian music exists! Check out some Homo Hop.

As far as my relationship with love songs, it is starting to look a little be more Queer. And just like comparing heterosexual relationships to Queer ones a wise man accurately says “it’s the same bullshit.” My complicated relationship with love songs still puts me on a rocky ride even though my new musical partner is Queer. Only this time, I get a satisfaction at seeing my people expressing themselves.

Holding on to the hatefulness

2011-03-27T14:58:00.002-05:00

The Texas government has embarrassed me many many many times with it's anti-women, anti-gay, and anti-any-kind-of-common-sense decisions....So I'm not even sure why this latest blatantly homophobic move came as a surprise to me. It really shouldn't have, considering that the Texas government has a long record of reacting in the most ridiculous ways when the federal govt. comes in and tells them that they need to shape up....Who remember's Rick Perry's threats of succession?

Anyway, so back in 2003 there was this little case called Lawrence v. Texas, which some of us may remember quite well for the hilarious and brilliant circumstances that led up to it. After a vicious fight by the Texas attorney general, the Supreme Court ruled that the states cannot enforce laws against sodomy......and then the sky started falling and our society became nothing but a bunch of homosexual sex crazed sinners who corrupt our future generations and degrade our country's moral fabric......right? No? Wait, what? That didn't happen? Are you sure?

Then why the heck is Texas insisting on keeping it's anti-sodomy laws on the books?

The last time I checked, this was 2011......not 1811. These laws are unenforceable (and rightly so). But Texas is insisting on keeping them around anyway.....just because they can? To send the message, incase we hadn't gotten it already, that LGBTQ people are (or should be) criminals in the eyes of this state?

When I read this article about it by Darryl Morris on LGBTQNation.com, I was shocked at the immaturity and clearly obvious motives of lawmakers who insist on fighting to keep the homophobic laws of our state around.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2011/03/texas-kansas-montana-oklahoma-states-hold-onto-laws-defining-gay-conduct-illegal/

For one thing, the term "sodomy" <----click there for an overview of it's history, has multiple problems with it's working definition. It's been used to mean many different things at different times.....everything from oral and anal sex to sexual acts with animals.

So, for me anyway, the fact that these laws remain purposefully on the books sends a message loud and clear that Texan lawmakers think gay sex is bad....and not JUST gay sex, but also pretty much every other kind of "un-natural" sex.....bad bad bad and deserving of finger shakes and frowny faces.....

According to the LGBTQ Nation article, Rep. Wayne Christian (R-Center), said he would be hesitant to change the law, because it “better reflects the views of a lot of citizens” as it is.

Wow!......and yep, that's seriously his last name.

Maybe what his quote really should have said was "I'm not going to speak up in favor of legitimizing any kind of sex other than heterosexual intercourse within marriage because to do so would mean losing the support of my ultra religious conservative backers."

Did you notice how he didn't admit that the laws reflect HIS views? Oh no, just the views of "a lot of citizens." Typical politician.

Well, Mr. Christian, there are "a lot" of LGBTQ people in Texas that you represent as well....are we not citizens?

The article also includes this quote: “By leaving it on the books, you create the potential for abuse,” - Jim Harrington, director of the Texas Civil Rights Project , which is representing two gay men who were kicked out of an El Paso restaurant in 2009 for kissing in public.

Abuse? In Texas??? You're kidding right?

"Without community, there is no liberation." - Audre Lorde

2011-03-27T14:51:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, as I sat on a chair in the social work building, surrounded by a classroom full bright social work students and a handful of my Peers for Pride companions, I was asked a question that brought on a lot of reflection. My two fellow Peers for Priders and I had just finished performing our monologues and it was now time for the audience to ask us questions outside of our monologue character, as our true day to day selves. After some meaningful dialogue with the students, a man in the class asked us to identify our sexual orientation. We all froze and awkwardly looked at each other, each of us begging with our eyes for the other person to answer first. Shane, our instructor/ professor for the class had told us in a previous class that we could answer this question however we felt comfortable, but still no one spoke. My thought process went something like this: I’m straight. SHIT. **blood rushes to my face** WTF should I say? If I say out loud that I’m straight, do I look like the “ally” who is scared of being called a lesbian? I know identifying as straight entitles me to privilege, how do I tread lightly with this? I REALLY don’t want to sound like a jackass today. FML. SOMEONE ELSE ANSWER FIRST! Well… no one else answered. So I stumbled my way through an answer and identified myself as straight. Somehow we all made it out of the room alive. This question got me thinking. I’m an ally. I’m loud and proud. I love this cause and it will always be a part of my soul. When I’m asked why I’m in Peers for Pride, I always have the same answer. I want to be an 80 year old lady, sitting on her porch, drinking a long island ice tea with a little too much vodka, speaking with her grandkids about the crazy things she used to do. I want to tell them about how I helped changed the world for the better. How I stood side by side with an amazing community of LGBTQ folks and fought for their rights. How we educated people through monologues. How we changed lives, how the cause changed our own lives. When my grandkids start assuming their crazy old hippy grandma used to be a lesbian. I want to explain that I wasn’t. I want them to know that we are sometimes handed privilege. As we go through life we’ll always see wrong in the world, but its how we help those being wronged, those without the same privileges we own, that makes you the person you are. I hope they understand that no matter what their relation to the cause is, if they see people that are need help, help them in any way you can. Don’t be scared for standing up for something you believe in. I still have a few years until I get to that long island ice tea, so until then I’m going to keep trying to make more stories to tell them. Through my reflection, I’ve realized that I don’t have to be ashamed of being a straight ally; I’m not the girl that’s scared to be called a lesbian. I'm in a wonderful program called Peers for Pride, I wear my "Don's Say That's So Gay" button proudly, I love my Pride Week t-shirt. I know that as a straight ally I have an opportunity to bring a powerful message into the classrooms we visit. A lot of these students we’ll speak with may identify as straight and I want them to know that it’s ok to be an active ally. A cause this big needs every person, no matter what their sexuality, to get on board. I hope they realize that even though it’s not their civil rights that are being stripped away, I hope they feel inspired enough to get involved. It takes more than the people being wronged to change something this large. I’m far from a perfect ally and my never ending journey to becoming the perfect ally is FAR from over, but I want allies who read this to know to not be ashamed of where they are with their knowledge on LGBTQ issues. I took this class as an opportunity to grow out of my ignorance and I’ve already learned so much. This program has changed my life. For those who want to become an educated and active ally, here are some of my favorite resources that have really helped me: BOOKS: 50 Ways to Support Lesbian and Gay Equality; the Complete Guide to Supporting Family, Friends, and Neighbors- or yourself… is written by Meredith Maran and Angela Watrous Queer Theory, Gender Theory written by Riki Wilchins Becoming a Visible Man written by Jamison Green Stay updated on LGBTQ NEWS that you don’t see in everyday media: www.365gay.com If you're a student at the University of Texas at Austin or have the opportunity elsewhere, take a CLASS like “Feminism Now” or “Confronting LGBTQ Oppression.” There is a "pink book" located on the GSC website (there’s a link below) where all LGBTQ courses are listed. Click on the resources link on the left side of the page and then the link "Pink Book" is located on the left. Become involved! Join the Gender and Sexuality Center list serve: http://www.utexas.edu/diversity/ddce/gsc/ The GSC is also another WONDERFUL and SAFE place to meet people, find literature, figure out how to get involved, ask questions, etc. Also, on the GSC website, under resources there is a list of PDF pages for information on how to be an ally like, " Does and Don'ts for Families and Friends" And just remember, as ally’s we will stumble over our words sometimes and we may put our foot in our mouths, but don’t forget to learn and grow from every experience, go in with the right intentions, speak with LGBTQ people and listen to their stories, ask questions, and when you do screw up, own up to your mistakes. We’re all in this together.

Words and Progress

2011-03-27T11:33:00.001-05:00

I stood in front of my class and stared at my note card nervous to begin the next three lines of self-created conversation. It was a poem. Nothing fancy, just something simple to get the audience wrapped up in my intent. Yes it was just an assignment, but it was about something that I hold dear.

Poetry slams, slam poetry, and spoken word poetry. These terms may mean nothing to you, but know that they should. Poetry isn’t just your eighth grade haiku anymore, a lot has changed. The best way for me to explain this movement in poetry is just to supply you with names and links, but I can tell you why I believe that spoken word is so amazingly relevant.

Poets from around the US are crafting truth, and I don’t know about you but I am pretty sure this world could use some more of that. Awareness is the byproduct of these poems being performed in front of audiences. Racism, sexism, homophobia, gender roles, and feminism are just a few of the multitude of topics that are touched on by poets.

Let me start out with one of my favorites, Andrea Gibson. Her poem “I Do” speaks to the importance of marriage equality, “Ashes” is a tear jerking response to the report of a hate crime in which a soldier was set on fire and burned to death because he was queer, “Swing Set” breathes humor into the painful experiences of those that don’t “look the part” of their gender in society’s eyes, and “Andrew” expresses just how confining the idea of gender is. And her work doesn’t stop there, her other poems include topics such as the price of war on soldiers, rape, and the nightmares that have been birthed from the American dream.

Alix Olson gives praise to the feminist women that came before her in “Women Before Me” and shines light on what it means to have a vagina in “Gender Game.” Big Poppa E, a fellow Austinite, pokes fun at society’s idea of masculinity in “The Wussy Boy Manifesto” and dedicates “Propers” to those that fall victim to the views of society. Young poets featured on HBO’s Brave New Voices speak about the challenges that face trans youth in their poem “Hir.” Sarah Kay, the founder of project V.O.I.C.E, sheds light on the untapped power of the youth in “Not Just Another Math Problem.”

Along with these poets there are many more spitting their truths everyday including the wonderful Staceyann Chin, Saul Williams, Anis Mojgani, Buddy Wakefield, Rudy Francisco, Theresa Davis, SuperB, and Lacey Roop. These poets are shining a spotlight on topics that most wish would stay hidden in the shadows due to the discomfort they can evoke. These poems can be used as tools to get the hard conversations started; and conversation, as we all know, is a stepping-stone towards progress.

“I Do”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8oGYyLDxFI

“Ashes”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVwdgUAMB2w

“Swing Set”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM86SmWE6OU

“Andrew”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfCWiVUWQa8

“Women Before Me”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA1fWC_RwAQ

“Gender Game”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar5oT8JhtOo

“The Wussy Boy Manifesto”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psFctoHBUCY

“Propers”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdZftONxenY

“Hir”- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b5b-vNhVdE

“Not Just Another Math Problem”-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYQtXpIuR6U

It's Not My Place

2011-03-26T14:27:00.003-05:00

The past couple weeks I have been working on a research proposal on transgender immigrants and the unique struggles they face. This means I’ve been nose deep in books and articles on transgender issues. Although I find transphobia within the immigration system depressing as hell, I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn more because I have only recently began learning about transgender issues. I have the privileged of being cisgender which means my biological sex, gender identity, and gender expression all match. As a cisgender identified person my ability to understand transgender issues will always be limited. I will never experience transphobia or see life the same way that a transgender identified individual sees it. So I try to stay up to date on current events involving the transgender community and take almost every opportunity to learn more about this community of people I care about. I still have a great deal to learn but I feel that I have made progress.

My recent gain in knowledge causes me to think about questions or issues for a few weeks while I sort it all out in my head. The past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking about the question of whether or not to out transgender friends to cisgender identified friends before they meet. I’ve listened to and considered both sides of this argument but I keep coming back to the same conclusion: it’s not my place to out others. I fully understand the desire to make everyone comfortable in social situations or the desire to protect transgender identified people from potential harm but the decision to come out can only be made by the person themselves. I strongly believe that no one has the authority to out someone else. This is not just for the transgender community but goes with all identities. Once your friends meet, it will be up to your transgender identified friend whether or not to come out and their decision needs to be respected. Also, no one has a right to know anyone else’s gender identity before they meet just like no one has a right to demand other information about others before they meet.

One point I kept hearing about over and over again in this debate and the one that most people who are proponents of outing transgender individuals keep using as a defense is the possibility of a negative reaction. For example, what if you introduce your friend Fred to your friend Tom who was assigned female at birth but is actually a man. Fred makes offensive remarks towards Tom and Tom gets his feelings hurt. Of course this is horrible but isn’t this a possibility that comes with introducing anyone. Someone may say something offensive or have an non-gender based identity that offends someone. Everything is controversial to someone. For example, introducing your deeply religious friend to your hardcore atheist friend might end ugly or for a less extreme, your quiet shy friend and your loud outgoing friend may rub each other the wrong way. One reason I feel that it is not ok to out transgender identified friends before introducing them to another friend is I find it a very offensive action. The message being sent to transgender persons is that who they are and their identities are offensive or shocking to people and it is necessary to warn people about them before anyone can meet them. Even though that is not the intent of the action, that may be how it is perceived. Transphobia is another reason why someone should refrain from outing a transgender individual before introducing them to a friend. Transphobia is very much an alive and kicking beast. It’s everywhere and unfortunately the transgender community faces it on a daily basis. A transgender individual may not want to be out to everyone in the world to help protect them from discrimination and violence. A person may only be out in certain parts of their lives and not out in others like with family members, religious institutions, or workplaces. The decision to be closeted in those places deserves respect and understanding.

Now if something offensive or discriminating happens when introducing friends it is important to stand up against transphobia. I don’t think you can really call yourself a friend or an ally if you remain silent. Confronting a friend on their own prejudices is hard but it’s the right thing to do and what a true friend should do. Also, by having zero tolerance for transphobia in any form may help transphobic friends understand the impact of their actions and that transphobia is wrong. Maybe minds will open up to new ideas and friends will learn more about the transgender community.

I could keep typing and keep listing reasons why I feel that outing transgender identified friends is a bad idea but then this blog post would never end. Instead, I want to leave everyone with a link to a blog post on another site written from a transgender person’s prospective. The post is from last June and appeared on a feminist blog and I highly recommend everyone reading it.

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/06/28/you-dont-get-to-out-me/

A Response to "Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?"

2011-03-26T13:10:00.005-05:00

I think I should first identify myself as someone who is sex-positive. There are few things as important as a person understanding their own sexuality, what they are comfortable with, what they need, who they are, things like that. Next, it’s important for me to say that everyone approaches and involves themselves in sex quite differently. That individuality is just as important as my need for a full, healthy sex life and to feel as though I know, thoroughly, who I am.

On March 19, 2011, an article was, sadly, published in The Wall Street Journal by Jennifer Moses entitled, “Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?” When the article was sent my way, my friend warned me it would be triggering. Honestly, I was already angered by the article’s title. In the article, Moses goes on a frenzy of sorts, listing out all of the things she views are wrong with the ways teenage girls, with the aid of their parents and peers, dress and present themselves. In doing this, not only does she present ridiculously offensive arguments toward women, but she also paints a portrait of men as if they will immediately die if they do not have sex with anyone who walks by with even an inch of bare skin revealed.

Here are some of the problems I have with the article.

1 – There’s a difference between “sexual” and “sexy” & 2 – Clothes don’t define actions

It never surprises me when the idea of being sexy is lumped together with the assumption of the person participating in actual sexual acts. These are actually two very different things, but that is something Moses ignores in the article. She asks readers why so many parents let their daughters dress “like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves” but doesn’t seem to realize the weight her words carry. By comparing girls that dress sexy or more revealing than others to sex workers, she doesn’t allow any space for those that don’t choose to be sexually active while shaming those that do. It’s impossible to know the intention of every single person – especially when those efforts are coming only from an examination of what someone is wearing. I believe we have to acknowledge and respect the different between these two things. There are aspects to dressing sexy that really have nothing to do with anyone other than who is wearing the clothes. Don’t we all know the feeling of getting dressed up because it makes us feel good about ourselves? Do we always do it just to impress other people? I certainly hope not. That’s definitely not my own story.

3 – The assumption that men feel the need to have sex with absolutely any female

Mentioned earlier in this response, Moses doesn’t merely offend women with her overgeneralization about the connection between clothes and intention, but men as well. She implies that if women dress provocatively or, in her own words, serve as “the campus mattress,” then surely men will come running. She very clearly believes men have absolutely no control over their desire and upon seeing bare flesh, they go into a sex frenzy. This is obviously not the case. Moses refuses to give any credibility to any of the male partners to the girls she addresses in this piece, putting them on the backburner but not before she illustrates the “promiscuous male” as endlessly horny with nowhere to go.

4 – Moses’ belief that there are no parents who support their children having healthy sex lives

Several different places throughout the article, Jennifer Moses refers to conversations with her friends, presenting them almost as research. Not impressive, is my first thought. My second desire is just to roll my eyes. I feel like a length quote would serve this best.

Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn’t have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.

Not only does this quote conjure up feelings of sympathy for both the author of this piece, but also for her friends whose comments I can only imagine were manipulated for the purpose of proving a ridiculous point. The author presents this idea that women are ashamed of their sexual past. She doesn’t offer up any details – Could these women have had sex with one man? Multiple men? Multiple women? – but still expects to prove as strong of a point as if she did give us anything to chew on. Moses doesn’t think at all about those outside herself and the possibility of parents who support their kids, once they’re ready, of course, having a normal and exploratory sex life. Instead she manipulates her readers, telling them in an indirect way, to avoid sexual exploration because it will only lead to regret.

Moses ends her articles with this: “We wouldn't dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: ‘Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven's sake, get laid!’ But that's essentially what we're saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they're still living under our own roofs.” But what is that supposed to do for readers besides inspire bitter scoffs? Perhaps parents who let their daughters dress ways differently than Moses deems appropriate are actually supportive parents. Perhaps they’ve opened up dialogue about intention, about being safe, about peer pressure, about all of these things. Perhaps Jennifer Moses should try having a conversation in which she is silent and puts forth an effort to absorb things outside of her thought process. It could be difficult for her, but it could also be worthwhile.

You know, just perhaps.

Ahhh…parents.

2011-03-24T20:22:00.003-05:00

Let me start out with a disclaimer that in general, parents are not on my list of favorite types of people. I had a great mom that embodied the idea of laissez-faire and while we love each other very much, we don't have a strong mom/daughter thing going on. My dad and I saw each other very rarely growing up and he just didn't get the hang of the parent thing until right before I left for school. I don't have strong ties to parents and I am content with that. I like my freedom and independence and they are 61 and tired.

This being said, let me own my privilege and say that because I was never bound by rules, curfews, "because-i-said-sos", family dinners, or any of those things, I had a relatively easy time being out and proud in high school. My mom and sisters loved me the same and we went on with our everyday, if somewhat disconnected, lives. I have always had the freedom to go where I wanted, when I wanted, and to stick my finger in whatever activist cookie jar I could find, all while being true to myself and finding out what I wanted to grow into.

I don't deal well with oppressive, hateful, ignorant, or selfish parents. I can and will deal, but I harbor a lot of anger afterwards. I have spent countless hours of my life reaching out to friends, acquaintances, or even strangers, and attempting to get them started on the path of building a healthy life after huge parental fails. I unfortunately had to bear witness to a few instances of RIDICULOUS parenting this week. I recognize that parents are people and make mistakes, but there is a line, and if there isn't, I'm making one. See requirements of staying on the side of decent parent below.

It is not OK to kick a child out of your house without warning because you don't like their sexuality, gender, or decisions. Ever. That is child abuse and neglect at its worse. This applies to physical abuse, blackmail, and exploitation as well.
Not ok for you to shove Jesus down anyone's throat. Doesn't matter what bills you pay for or who shares your blood type.
Don't wanna tell people your child is transgender? Embarrassed? NOT. OUR. FUCKING.PROBLEM. That is YOUR problem. And if you try and BLAME your child? You deserve a special ring in the Inferno all to yourself.
Selfishness. People have it because we're human. You give up the right to put your selfishness ahead of EVERYONE'S once you have a child. And that doesn't stop once your child hits their older teen years, moves out, goes to college, etc. Wanna be selfish on your own time? Awesome, everyone should be at some point. Selfish at the expense of your child's wellbeing? See number 3.
Ignorant? OWN IT. Or better yet, educate yourself or ask someone who is more knowledgeable than you for help. If you don't understand how your son could love a man, how your daughter could give up her birth name and "become" a man, how someone could be attracted to these types of people, ask. Research. Think about it. Figure it out!
Once you have royally fucked up your relationship with your child and someone like myself has begun picking up the pieces, you have lost. You will never have your child back in the same way, your relationship will not function in the same way, and love will not flow as it once did. If this point is reached? Give up. If your child later seeks that relationship with you in a healthy manner, good for them, but I sure as hell am not going to encourage it.

To everyone out there with loving parents, PFLAG parents, or even parents that just don't get it but love you unconditionally anyway, keep your arms open and ready to catch someone who's parents have let them down in really big ways. Validation from our parents is one of the things we seem to innately seek, and when ignorance, selfishness, fear, or hate, replace that validation, it's damaging to people of all ages and stages of life.

the Bi Closet

2011-03-10T18:27:00.002-06:00

no, this is not a crude nickname for Tila Tequila's genitals, it is something a lot less talked about. For a lot of queers, the bi closet is more of a corridor from the (gay/lesbian) closet to the out, open and hopefully proud world of happiness and glitter. For some, ITS A MYTH! because bisexuality doesn't really exist, and is usually used as an excuse to love queerly but maintain straight-world privileges. For me, however, its the closet that I'm in right now, and its not really a bad place, but its kinda sucky.

I came out of the gay closet the summer of my freshman year of high school. It was rocky at first, but afterward it was AMAZING! My awesome parents worked to understand and accept me fully. I opened up and made tons of friends and met my boyfriend. I was THE proud gay guy and life was good.
*fast forward to college*
College is a time for self discovery and soul-searching. I was working in a bakery at the time, and one day, while day-dreaming and packaging cookies, I took a once-every-few-years self-analysis and came to the conclusion that I like girls too....I find them attractive....and it isn't the most far fetched idea that I could possibly, one day, in Theory Land be involved with one.....WHAT!?!?
But I'm the Proud Gay Guy....I already came out of the closet....I felt so welcomed and loved in the gay community, I'M IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BOY FOR GAGA'S SAKE!

Thanks to Peers for Pride, I've come to own my bisexuality on a personal level. I've also come to learn (via p4p) that non-monosexuality is a better umbrella term for bisexuality, but that's another blog and mind-f*$&&^*%$ for another day.

Now, for the reasons the bi-closet is 'sucky;'
FIRST is that that ALL closets are sucky. They force their inhabitants to hide themselves and build fears and worries of the 'out' world.
Second, here come the sex maniac images from both queers and heteros. The idea that all bisexuals are nymphomaniacs who cannot seem to be satisfied with a single set of parts. Its almost too embarrassing to come out to friends or dates for this reason.
THIRD, it seems that we're disowned by the lesbian/gay communities once we come out as bisexual. I suppose due the tension towards straight people and queers, it seems that 'BI' labels you as tainted with straight blood (the enemy's blood!) and all of sudden you're booted off of Fire Island.
FINALLY, the straight community automatically deems you Gay. just gay. totally negating the beautifully complex composition of wants, thoughts, expressions and desires that separate bisexuals from both the gay and straight community and make us special.

That's just what we are though, special. Special in that we can see beyond the limiting (for some) borders of gender (and gender expression) and see the person for their spirits and souls a little quicker and easier. Special in our combination of alternative and familiar. Special in that we can experience the best of both worlds,

yet unfortunate in that we get labeled with the what some name the worst.

Are you fit enufff???

2011-03-02T20:58:00.003-06:00

So Spring Brake is around the corner! Are you excited? I know I am. Mostly because I for once will get some decent sleep (I hope). I still do not know if I will be going somewhere for the brake, I do know some friends that are going to the beach, they offered if I would like to go and I’m not sure.I am a shy person when it comes to showing skin, I always been like that.

As I was working out which, I personally hate but I like the feeling I get afterwards, I can’t help to noticed all the cute guys around me, this thought however, leaves as faster as it entered my mind. Why? You might ask, well for one major reason, most of them are show offs.

If you ever been to a gym, especially here at UT, you know what I’m talking about. There is always this one guy with incredible muscular structure, but with the way he talks and behaves one can’t help to wonder if that is it, if this guy has, if any, a personality that might be likable.

This point is somewhat raised by an article by James Adonis in an Australian gay magazine. The reason why I am loyal to this magazine it’s because it was the first gay magazine I ever bought. Putting that aside, the article raises the point that the author is feeling uneasy about summer coming up. Especially because he does not feel physically fit for the season. It also raises the very good point (I think) that we, as society both gay and straight, have come to associate muscular figure with masculinity.

So much is the effect that the more muscles the more masculine one is, the less muscles the less masculine, etc. This “Muscle Mary” syndrome as the author calls it, highly resembles that guy I talked about at the beginning. There are guys out there so obsessed with their physical looks that they go to incredulous extremes to achieve what they think is a “perfect body”.

However, I seen many guys that even when they have the muscles, they can’t seem to stop. They become greedy, and keep bulking up. Why? Well, I assume, that makes them more of a “man”. My question is, does it? One could argue that I might not be happy with my own physique, and that perhaps that is a reason as to why I am writing this today. Be that as it may, the fact that we as a society had come to appreciate those with better physiques still remains.

Personally, I am comfortable with my body, I sometimes complain that I could lose a couple of pounds, but I won’t go to extremes to achieve this. Mainly because I had acknowledged the fact that if I’m going to date someone they should like me for what I am, not for what I pretend to be. I had the great opportunity to have that experience, and that is what took the veil of my face. But perhaps the most important thing for me is this: If I am going to change it will be for me, not for anyone else.

What do you think???