One of the many small life changing casual moments that occurred when I attended Creating Change in Dallas involved a simple ten second conversation about big vaginas. A friend of mine I meet at the conference made some joke about big vaginas. Everyone laughed and it was funny. However, this joke, as in a lot of jokes, had the undertones of sincerity and truth. With this joke in particular, his truth about vaginas came with a size standard. Vaginas, as by a society’s pussy standard (as a passionate lover of pussy I find this strange we have pussy standards), should be small, prepubescent and virginal.
But he quickly checked himself. (I have mad respect for people who check themselves. It shows that they are acknowledging their privilege and prejudices in order to change them.) “Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with big vaginas! Sex Positivity!” he said with a warm and sincere smile. Everyone in the room laughed and nodded their heads in agreement. I could tell everyone after attending a sex positive workshop had started going through the deconstructing mental process involved whenever one gets involved in a new area of social justice. More importantly, this small casual conversation initiated this process for me.
BIG VAGINAS keep resonating in my mind over and over again. I kept thinking “What’s wrong with big vaginas?” Naturally, as anyone with ingrained misconceptions or prejudices, my mind was subconsciously trying to find an answer for that question because it is uncomfortable to throw out ideas once they made a place in your mind. Then BAM! I had an epiphany moment that would change my world view. “THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BIG VAGINAS!”
The world suddenly became a beautiful and damn sexy place. I not only found myself sexually liberated but liberated from narrow visions of beauty. More importantly, I learned to love myself and I realized a good portion of my insecurities stem from sex negative attitudes. Once I was sexually liberated I found being me and being in this body a very comfortable place in even though there are parts of myself I’d like to change. I also found others were more easily able to share their experiences with me because they don’t have to fear judgment or indifference. Life is more fun that way when we can all share different experience. I enjoy and find it sexy watching gay porn with my boys or comparing sexual experience with a straight girl.
Moreover, from this simple conversation I discovered sex positivity. I did not have to attend a workshop, read a book or have someone deconstruct it for me. For me sex positive is the belief that all consensual sexual acts are “positive” or “good” and advocates for society to hold an affirming stance on sex and sexuality. Sex, expressions of sexuality, and sexual health are a considerably important aspect of humanity; therefore, it is a human right. I believe in order to truly love this queer community for all it is, a person needs to learn the sex positive framework. How else can one love a community that has been sexually shamed?
All it took was a casual conversation. Since then, I calmly say with a sincere smile, “Sex Positivity!” whenever someone says something sex negative and I can see their view on sex and sexuality change. Now, wouldn’t we see revolutionary change if we all just had a conversation about some tough subjects?