DEAR ABBY:
has outed herself as an ally. That’s right, that’s what I said. She outed
herself. In response to a couple from Tampa’s complaints about the events surrounding
their neighborhood Abby places herself quite firmly in the ally camp departing
from her usual gentle demeanor opting for a more firm one. One Feb 19th
that couple wrote:
“DEAR ABBY:
My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly
welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood
are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I
did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of
their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood
gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!
Abby, we
moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the
same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to
themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't
feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our
neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in?
-- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA”
I know, I
know, it’s hard to believe that someone would actually send this in. It is just FULL of contradictions! But
really, we know that there are people out that that think like this and see the
world this way so at this point it is not big surprise.
Abby said
that she, "sure would" liked to respond, claiming that "a
person's sexual orientation isn't a 'lifestyle choice'" and that gays are
"born that way". I'm not really on the 'born that way' bandwagon,
because I could care less if being queer is a choice, but props for quoting
their inappropriate language! Abby goes on to point out that it is
"interesting" how they are "unwilling to reciprocate the
hospitality of the people who welcomed [them] and opened their homes to [them]"
and are complaining when they receive "similar treatment." She goes
on to tell them that they either need to move into a different neighborhood
with people who are more like themselves or they need to use the opportunity of
diversity in their lives to grow. Lastly, Abby tells the couple, "Please
don't blow it."
So yeah,
she outed herself. Can't you see the fundies (aka fundamentalist religious
people who are anti LGBTQ ) sending in hate mail saying 'I've read Dear Abby
for 35 years and I will now discontinued reading it because you love the
gays!" The reason I am looking at the column as a coming out story is
because of a comment I heard the other day from an ally. They mentioned that
sometimes it's difficult to speak up and be an ally because of the fear of
people assuming that you are LGBTQ identified as well and then start bullying
or hurting them also.
That's sat with
me for a while. I mean, what if Dear Abby: loses all of her readers? I know
that typically the focus is on the LGBTQ identified individual, and it is true,
at most of the trauma happens to the identified individual. But, I think if we
are going to ‘make it’ so to speak, aka change the world, we queers are going
to need our allies.
I guess I
just never really thought about the fire one can come under when acting as an
ally. Now that I think about it, White allies during the civil rights movement
were called n***** lovers. It can be a dangerous to take the side of the
oppressed.
I want to
emphasize that I'm not trying to distract from the story or the experience at
LGBTQ identified individuals, but simply highlight the reasons that we should
give our allies guidance and tools to help and support, not just on a
systematic level, but on an interpersonal level. This is not to say that I
think it is the job of the LGBTQ community to provide all, nurturing our allies
and doing EVERYTHING even know WE are the oppressed. But, I think that there is
something valuable, in recognizing the struggles of those who are in solidarity
with us.
I think of
the LGBTQ identified and ally relationship as a solidarity relationship.
Solidarities (political solidarity) are recognized connections between people
that do not require similar experience for connection. The only really require
a commitment to the beliefs and goals of the solidarity (it’s not just the
commitment itself that's important, but the willingness to do actions and the
like for the sake of the goals of the solidarity). Since I am in a solidarity
relationship with my allies, I want to support that just as they support.
DEAR ABBY,
thank you for putting yourself at risk for me.
http://news.yahoo.com/couple-florida-aren-39-t-happy-gay-neighbors-050113020.html
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