Gender Roles; Feminism; Sexism

*Trigger warning possible*

This weekend, I watched this amazing documentary called "Miss Representation." The film is about how women are oppressed and exploited in American society. I watched it with a group of OAs so it was interesting having the follow-up discussion afterwards with a group of people who already view the world through a social justice lens.

THE DOCUMENTARY

The documentary talked about how women are often used as props in the media and are taught to strive for this impossible state of beauty. In movies, they are often the damsel in distress needing a man to save them. OR they are the protagonists of the film who is looking for the love of a man. Women are often judged not by their intelligence, but by the way they look. If a woman is in power, she is often criticized about what she is wearing, how her hair looks, and how attractive she is. If she is outspoken, then she is often characterized as a "Bitch." This documentary made things obvious on a conscious level what many people know subconsciously. Women are oversexualized in the media. You can easily turn on the tv and see women showing off their bodies. The documentary even went on to talk about news reporters. Female newscasters have a tough job. A comparison between Katie Couric and Raddow Maddow against other female newscasters was made. Katie Couric and Rachel Maddow both are serious news reporters and they carry themselves in that manner. The dress in a very professional manner. In comparison, other female newscasters were shown to wear very low-cut necklines and short skirts. In one clip, they showed a female newscaster refusing to discuss Paris Hilton as the lead story because she didn't feel like it was worthy of being the lead story. Her male colleagues insisted they talk about it and even disregarded her protests.  After the film we had one amazing discussion.

THE DISCUSSION

The discussion started off as each of us talking about our initial thoughts and feelings about the film. This turned into us looking back our lives and us asking the question why. We recounted instances of women being put down in favor of men as well as strict enforcement of gender roles. One of the OAs,  recalled a time when he was younger and played with a barbie doll along with his "female" cousins. He saw no problem with it, but at the end of the day, his mom told him that he was not supposed to do so. I had a similar experience growing up as well. When I was four years old, I was playing with my cousins, the ones around my age are all female, and we were playing with their Barbies. I had no problem with it and didn't see anything wrong. At the end of the day, my dad and uncle picked me up. When my aunt told my dad and uncle how I spend my day, my uncle proceeded to say that a "Faggot" and a "Sissy" could ride in his car. What does this even mean? What makes something male or female? What makes something a boy toy or a girl toy? I think about my love for cooking. Many people would take this as a sign of femininity and say that I shouldn't know how or I shouldn't know how to wash clothes or that I shouldn't know how to iron. These are survival skills. Because I know how to do these things, I know that I can live alone and be perfectly fine. They create a sense of independence.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

This discussion made me raise the question on why men feel the need to oppress women. It's obvious that women are oppressed by men in our society, but what is our society doing to men to perpetuate this cycle? Personally, I think society teaches men to fear anything feminine and reject it which causes women to be oppressed, however this also causes men to feel like they need to be hyper masculine and reject their emotions. This cycle hurts everyone. Women are hurt by the oppression and men are hurt by not being able to understand or control their emotions. Men can't admit they like certain things because it will cause them to experience a fraction of the oppression women feel. I feel like nothing will every be solved until we look at both sides: 1) How are women are oppressed; 2) What are we teaching men to continue this oppression? Once these to things are eliminated and fixed I feel like sexism would become a thing of the past, BUT we can't just fix one side of the problem, we have to fix both.

Feminism VS. the Patriarchy: Examining Rape, Sexual Assault, and Gender Violence

There are many misguided people who think that women use feminism as a medium to express their hatred for men. People who think that the goal of feminism is to wage a war on men. This is not true and I am so tired of having to explain this to people. We live in a patriarchal society, where women are dominated by men on a daily basis in various realms: sexuality, the household, male-on-female violence (rape culture & victim blaming), paid employment, cultural institutions, and the state. Misogyny, coupled with sexism, run rampant in our communities, and consequently women are silenced and subordinated, and women-identified values are denigrated. What does this mean or look like, some people may ask?

            Rape, sexual assault, and gender violence are not only women’s issues because sexual violence happens to people, not genders. However, a majority of women experience sexual assault, and these numbers grow dangerously larger within already marginalized communities. Did you know that one out of every three women worldwide will be physically, sexually, or otherwise abused during her lifetime with rates reaching 70 percent in some countries? Not only do we live in a society where "one sex" (MALE) is thought to be intrinsically superior to a person of the "other sex" (FEMALE), social constructs of gender, male and female, are the ONLY types of gender identity that are seen as "real" or "valid". Did you know that trans women, especially trans women of color, are the most vulnerable to police brutality and violence? Trans women of color are often involved in or presumed to be involved in the sex work industry; it is in and around these places that these women are often assaulted. Systems of oppression like racism, laws like the criminalization of sex work, economic forces like poverty and gentrification are forces at play when it comes to violence against trans women.

So now: instead of pointing women out as cruel/hateful and “out to get men”, what can men (PEOPLE) do to support women and the fight against rape, sexual assault, and gender violence? Sexualized violence against women does not just affect women. It affects the people who care about them, their families, their friends, their coworkers, and their communities. Join the movement to end the violence; join the feminist movement!  Feminists are people, not genders, who recognize the validity of women’s own interpretations of their lived experience and needs and acknowledge the values women publicly claim as their won in assessing their societal status relative to men; they exhibit consciousness and awareness of, discomfort at, or even anger over institutionalized injustice or inequity toward women as a group by men as a group in a given society; AND they advocate the eliminating of that injustice by challenging, through efforts to alter prevailing ideas and/or social institutions and practices, the power, force, or authority that upholds male prerogatives in that particular culture. Patriarchy, rather than rape culture, causes rape. And yes, feminism may seek to inherently undermine (and destroy) the patriarchy and I’m crossing my fingers that sooner than later, it will. This isn't about a war on men, it's a war on the patriarchy, rape culture, misogny, and sexism. 

 Sources read~~~~

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/25/wilson-cruz-janet-mock-melissa-harris-perry-transgender_n_2948341.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender

http://womenthrive.org/issues/violence

Reactions to the Steubenville Rape Case

It seems like the Steubenville case is on everyone’s mind this week. Whether they’re victim blaming, criticizing media coverage, acknowledging rape culture, or examining the effects of social media on the case, Steubenville has been everywhere.

This case upsets me. A lot. I’ve been following it since it came onto my feminist radar months ago. I’m familiar with the circumstances of the rape. Knowing all of this information for months, I was surprised by how hard the court’s decision really hit me. Even worse, how horrible the news coverage and social media reactions to the convictions were.

My individual perspective on this case and the reactions to the verdicts is unique. I am not trying to speak for any group; I am trying to speak for myself. I see this case through many lenses: as a feminist, as a woman, as a survivor, and as a human being.

All week long I have been reading everything I can find about the case (which probably isn’t helpful at all). I’ve lost my appetite, I’ve wanted to scream out of frustration, I’ve talked about it to people who refuse to understand, I’ve managed to carry on with my usual schedule but have come home drained and exhausted every day, and I’ve commiserated with others who are as upset as I am. All along I have been trying to put my finger on exactly why it upsets me this much. Yes, it brought back terrible memories and feelings from my past. But I’ve been reminded of these before in my life. That wasn’t the problem.

I think that what makes me so distraught about the coverage of this case is that it feels like a sharp kick to the gut, a wake-up call from the pleasant idea that rape culture is not that powerful and that society is not that misogynistic. I know we don’t live in a world of gender equality, far from it, but when I first heard about this case I thought there was no way that it could hold up in court, surely the evidence was so obvious and overwhelming that the rapists would take a plea bargain.

The picture of the survivor unconscious, being held by all limbs like a dead body, has made its way around the internet. It was obvious that she was in no place to consent, she was completely unresponsive. It was not a case of sloppy drunk decisions or misunderstood signals. There were no signals to be misunderstood, she was unconscious. Surely she was not to blame for what these young men did to her.

Instead, when this young woman came forward to seek justice against her attackers, people blamed her. Lots of people blamed her for putting herself in that position in the first place, drunk and at a party with football players. Some people even went so far to say that she made the decision to go to the party knowing that she was expected to put out, the young men just took what they deserved. Or that the perpetrators just did what anyone else in their situation would have done. Or that by drinking so much that she passed out, she was consenting to sexual activity. Even more upsetting, women were some of the most critical of the victim and the punishment for the rapists.

So what does it all mean?

Our society teaches us that men are aggressive, violent, uncontrollable, sexual beings. This means that when the rapists raped this young woman, they were just doing what anyone else would have done under the circumstances.

Our society teaches us that men should be callous, not empathetic. This means that when other young men saw the rapists sexually assaulting the survivor, they not only kept quiet but they joked about it and recorded it.

Our society teaches us that women line up along a virgin/whore dichotomy, that “good girls” stay home on Friday nights, don’t drink alcohol, don’t hang out in mixed-gender social groups, don’t dress in revealing clothes, and don’t flirt. And if girls are doing these things, then they are whores who were asking for it. This means that the young men thought they were only taking what was theirs.

Our society teaches us not to talk about sex and not to talk about rape. This means that a witness didn’t think penetration without consent was rape because the survivor didn’t look like she was violently fighting back and the rapists didn’t look like they were using brute force.

Our society teaches us that women are the gatekeepers of sex. This means that when this young women let her guard down by consuming alcohol, she was expecting to be raped.

Our society teaches us that women are vindictive, and that when their reputations are tarnished they will lie, manipulate people, and fabricate evidence to get back at someone. This means that way too many people accused the survivor of “crying rape” after an embarrassing night, completely discrediting her experience of RAPE. (While discussing the topic with others this week, the “false accusation for revenge/reputation recovery” argument was given to me a LOT, despite the evidence that shows false accusations are only 2%-8% and not much higher than false accusation across all types of crime.)

So what can we do?

TALK ABOUT IT. Call out instances rape culture. Explain rape culture to people who don’t quite get it. Educate people about what is/isn’t consent. Organize to ensure that comprehensive sex education which includes consent education is being taught in your local public schools. Don’t make rape jokes and don’t play along with other people’s rape jokes. If you see a young woman who is too intoxicated, help her get to safety. Don’t make excuses for rapists.


Note: I mentioned that I've read everything I could find about the case this week, which is basically true. That being said, this blog is my general reaction to it all, which references some of the following links and/or reacts to some of the following links:
So you're tired of hearing about rape culture? aka the best explanation of rape culture I have ever read. highly recommended!
Why I won't post your comments about false rape accusations, a great resource for combatting why the false rape accusation argument is horrible AND not even true
Teacher's Blog Post: Teaching How Not to Rape
Feminist Cartoon About Rape Culture aka How I've felt ALL WEEK LONG.
Feministing: Steubenville teens are found guilty but rape culture remains alive and well
HuffPost: Sexual Assault and Rape Culture are LGBTQ Issues
**Trigger Warning** Public Shaming Tumblr full of victim blaming and rape culture - watch out, it is really, really horrible.

Working Definitions

I have spent this semester barely alive beneath a pile of, amongst other things, dense books and heavy course packets. While there were many nights when I thought I was going to literally have to splash water beneath my eyes to read just one more page, the majority of the reading has turned out to be incredibly important. I’m on a journey, dear reader, and a lot of the words I’ve been reading have really helped me. I have to say that the first day of class is always pretty intense – mainly because I receive a pile of syllabuses and, immediately, my four-month panic attack begins.

I’m ending my third year, and particularly this semester, at UT, as a new person. I have never before had the kind of happiness that I have now. It’s funny because I have been endlessly busy this semester. I thought there was absolutely no possibility I could digest anything anymore and would just have to somehow slide by in these last few days of school.

Well, I was wrong. Last week I read an essay by bell hooks entitled, “Black Women: Shaping Feminist Theory.” While gulping down a ridiculously large URN of espresso, I must say my entire perspective changed. I have identified as a feminist since my first semester at this school, and everything following has been a journey toward wrapping that identity tighter and tighter around my heart. Never before this had I really understood the extent of my privilege and the amount of work ahead of me in my life. I am a radical feminist. Radical feminism is not just about equal pay or sneakily inserting women in higher government positions. It is about changing the entire way the world has been built. There is an intersectionality so much larger than I had ever thought. Now it is impossible to ignore. I imagine a summer reading more bell hooks, re-reading Audre Lorde’s Sister Outsider and Gloria Anzaldúa’s Borderlands, finally taking the suggestion from my friend, Ambalika, to read Angela Davis. I once defined feminism just as equality among all gender identities. What I should have said was that it is a full circle understanding of the way each person connects to the next, never doubting the validity of someone’s experience and never claiming it as my own, working to break apart all of the things that have been build to push out other people or take advantage of them.

Sigh. It’s a working definition. It gets bigger every damn second.

I began this blog planning on defining feminism and explaining that is larger than I ever thought it was, but instead I’ve just decided to let whatever comes to me flow out. Big dramatic words? I know. Trust me, I feel that way, too. But isn’t it beautiful? How much there is to still learn and talk about? I remember the time in my life where thinking about having to do more work to understand myself sounded exhausting and impossible. I remember an emptiness I always thought would be permanent. Looks like it’s been filled up – at least a little bit more than before. That feeling of dread is no longer there. I have never been as excited as I am about the journey ahead of me.

Journeys like this need full support. And I must say that while I have had support for this entire journey, the past year has presented a new type of support. Once a week, for three hours, I am surrounded by people I love. We are somehow all able to hold one another up. The last class day of Peers for Pride is only a few days away. Yes, there will be tears. Way too many tears… I will try my hardest to keep myself under control, but I will be partially unsuccessful. You know, a big slobbering mess. But the thing is, any idea or fear I had that my spirit would end once Peers for Pride ended, is gone. I have so much ahead of me. All I want to do is learn and grow. One big part of my life recently has been learning how far support systems can stretch. I can say whole-heartedly that I am one of luckiest people in the world. My support system has stretched further than I had ever predicted and will never break.

There is a wave of love always rolling over me.