Gender Roles; Feminism; Sexism

*Trigger warning possible*

This weekend, I watched this amazing documentary called "Miss Representation." The film is about how women are oppressed and exploited in American society. I watched it with a group of OAs so it was interesting having the follow-up discussion afterwards with a group of people who already view the world through a social justice lens.

THE DOCUMENTARY

The documentary talked about how women are often used as props in the media and are taught to strive for this impossible state of beauty. In movies, they are often the damsel in distress needing a man to save them. OR they are the protagonists of the film who is looking for the love of a man. Women are often judged not by their intelligence, but by the way they look. If a woman is in power, she is often criticized about what she is wearing, how her hair looks, and how attractive she is. If she is outspoken, then she is often characterized as a "Bitch." This documentary made things obvious on a conscious level what many people know subconsciously. Women are oversexualized in the media. You can easily turn on the tv and see women showing off their bodies. The documentary even went on to talk about news reporters. Female newscasters have a tough job. A comparison between Katie Couric and Raddow Maddow against other female newscasters was made. Katie Couric and Rachel Maddow both are serious news reporters and they carry themselves in that manner. The dress in a very professional manner. In comparison, other female newscasters were shown to wear very low-cut necklines and short skirts. In one clip, they showed a female newscaster refusing to discuss Paris Hilton as the lead story because she didn't feel like it was worthy of being the lead story. Her male colleagues insisted they talk about it and even disregarded her protests.  After the film we had one amazing discussion.

THE DISCUSSION

The discussion started off as each of us talking about our initial thoughts and feelings about the film. This turned into us looking back our lives and us asking the question why. We recounted instances of women being put down in favor of men as well as strict enforcement of gender roles. One of the OAs,  recalled a time when he was younger and played with a barbie doll along with his "female" cousins. He saw no problem with it, but at the end of the day, his mom told him that he was not supposed to do so. I had a similar experience growing up as well. When I was four years old, I was playing with my cousins, the ones around my age are all female, and we were playing with their Barbies. I had no problem with it and didn't see anything wrong. At the end of the day, my dad and uncle picked me up. When my aunt told my dad and uncle how I spend my day, my uncle proceeded to say that a "Faggot" and a "Sissy" could ride in his car. What does this even mean? What makes something male or female? What makes something a boy toy or a girl toy? I think about my love for cooking. Many people would take this as a sign of femininity and say that I shouldn't know how or I shouldn't know how to wash clothes or that I shouldn't know how to iron. These are survival skills. Because I know how to do these things, I know that I can live alone and be perfectly fine. They create a sense of independence.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

This discussion made me raise the question on why men feel the need to oppress women. It's obvious that women are oppressed by men in our society, but what is our society doing to men to perpetuate this cycle? Personally, I think society teaches men to fear anything feminine and reject it which causes women to be oppressed, however this also causes men to feel like they need to be hyper masculine and reject their emotions. This cycle hurts everyone. Women are hurt by the oppression and men are hurt by not being able to understand or control their emotions. Men can't admit they like certain things because it will cause them to experience a fraction of the oppression women feel. I feel like nothing will every be solved until we look at both sides: 1) How are women are oppressed; 2) What are we teaching men to continue this oppression? Once these to things are eliminated and fixed I feel like sexism would become a thing of the past, BUT we can't just fix one side of the problem, we have to fix both.

Feminism VS. the Patriarchy: Examining Rape, Sexual Assault, and Gender Violence

There are many misguided people who think that women use feminism as a medium to express their hatred for men. People who think that the goal of feminism is to wage a war on men. This is not true and I am so tired of having to explain this to people. We live in a patriarchal society, where women are dominated by men on a daily basis in various realms: sexuality, the household, male-on-female violence (rape culture & victim blaming), paid employment, cultural institutions, and the state. Misogyny, coupled with sexism, run rampant in our communities, and consequently women are silenced and subordinated, and women-identified values are denigrated. What does this mean or look like, some people may ask?

            Rape, sexual assault, and gender violence are not only women’s issues because sexual violence happens to people, not genders. However, a majority of women experience sexual assault, and these numbers grow dangerously larger within already marginalized communities. Did you know that one out of every three women worldwide will be physically, sexually, or otherwise abused during her lifetime with rates reaching 70 percent in some countries? Not only do we live in a society where "one sex" (MALE) is thought to be intrinsically superior to a person of the "other sex" (FEMALE), social constructs of gender, male and female, are the ONLY types of gender identity that are seen as "real" or "valid". Did you know that trans women, especially trans women of color, are the most vulnerable to police brutality and violence? Trans women of color are often involved in or presumed to be involved in the sex work industry; it is in and around these places that these women are often assaulted. Systems of oppression like racism, laws like the criminalization of sex work, economic forces like poverty and gentrification are forces at play when it comes to violence against trans women.

So now: instead of pointing women out as cruel/hateful and “out to get men”, what can men (PEOPLE) do to support women and the fight against rape, sexual assault, and gender violence? Sexualized violence against women does not just affect women. It affects the people who care about them, their families, their friends, their coworkers, and their communities. Join the movement to end the violence; join the feminist movement!  Feminists are people, not genders, who recognize the validity of women’s own interpretations of their lived experience and needs and acknowledge the values women publicly claim as their won in assessing their societal status relative to men; they exhibit consciousness and awareness of, discomfort at, or even anger over institutionalized injustice or inequity toward women as a group by men as a group in a given society; AND they advocate the eliminating of that injustice by challenging, through efforts to alter prevailing ideas and/or social institutions and practices, the power, force, or authority that upholds male prerogatives in that particular culture. Patriarchy, rather than rape culture, causes rape. And yes, feminism may seek to inherently undermine (and destroy) the patriarchy and I’m crossing my fingers that sooner than later, it will. This isn't about a war on men, it's a war on the patriarchy, rape culture, misogny, and sexism. 

 Sources read~~~~

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/25/wilson-cruz-janet-mock-melissa-harris-perry-transgender_n_2948341.html?utm_hp_ref=transgender

http://womenthrive.org/issues/violence

A Response to "Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?"

I think I should first identify myself as someone who is sex-positive. There are few things as important as a person understanding their own sexuality, what they are comfortable with, what they need, who they are, things like that. Next, it’s important for me to say that everyone approaches and involves themselves in sex quite differently. That individuality is just as important as my need for a full, healthy sex life and to feel as though I know, thoroughly, who I am.

On March 19, 2011, an article was, sadly, published in The Wall Street Journal by Jennifer Moses entitled, “Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?” When the article was sent my way, my friend warned me it would be triggering. Honestly, I was already angered by the article’s title. In the article, Moses goes on a frenzy of sorts, listing out all of the things she views are wrong with the ways teenage girls, with the aid of their parents and peers, dress and present themselves. In doing this, not only does she present ridiculously offensive arguments toward women, but she also paints a portrait of men as if they will immediately die if they do not have sex with anyone who walks by with even an inch of bare skin revealed.

Here are some of the problems I have with the article.

1 – There’s a difference between “sexual” and “sexy” & 2 – Clothes don’t define actions

It never surprises me when the idea of being sexy is lumped together with the assumption of the person participating in actual sexual acts. These are actually two very different things, but that is something Moses ignores in the article. She asks readers why so many parents let their daughters dress “like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves” but doesn’t seem to realize the weight her words carry. By comparing girls that dress sexy or more revealing than others to sex workers, she doesn’t allow any space for those that don’t choose to be sexually active while shaming those that do. It’s impossible to know the intention of every single person – especially when those efforts are coming only from an examination of what someone is wearing. I believe we have to acknowledge and respect the different between these two things. There are aspects to dressing sexy that really have nothing to do with anyone other than who is wearing the clothes. Don’t we all know the feeling of getting dressed up because it makes us feel good about ourselves? Do we always do it just to impress other people? I certainly hope not. That’s definitely not my own story.

3 – The assumption that men feel the need to have sex with absolutely any female

Mentioned earlier in this response, Moses doesn’t merely offend women with her overgeneralization about the connection between clothes and intention, but men as well. She implies that if women dress provocatively or, in her own words, serve as “the campus mattress,” then surely men will come running. She very clearly believes men have absolutely no control over their desire and upon seeing bare flesh, they go into a sex frenzy. This is obviously not the case. Moses refuses to give any credibility to any of the male partners to the girls she addresses in this piece, putting them on the backburner but not before she illustrates the “promiscuous male” as endlessly horny with nowhere to go.

4 – Moses’ belief that there are no parents who support their children having healthy sex lives

Several different places throughout the article, Jennifer Moses refers to conversations with her friends, presenting them almost as research. Not impressive, is my first thought. My second desire is just to roll my eyes. I feel like a length quote would serve this best.

Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn’t have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.

Not only does this quote conjure up feelings of sympathy for both the author of this piece, but also for her friends whose comments I can only imagine were manipulated for the purpose of proving a ridiculous point. The author presents this idea that women are ashamed of their sexual past. She doesn’t offer up any details – Could these women have had sex with one man? Multiple men? Multiple women? – but still expects to prove as strong of a point as if she did give us anything to chew on. Moses doesn’t think at all about those outside herself and the possibility of parents who support their kids, once they’re ready, of course, having a normal and exploratory sex life. Instead she manipulates her readers, telling them in an indirect way, to avoid sexual exploration because it will only lead to regret.

Moses ends her articles with this: “We wouldn't dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: ‘Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven's sake, get laid!’ But that's essentially what we're saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they're still living under our own roofs.” But what is that supposed to do for readers besides inspire bitter scoffs? Perhaps parents who let their daughters dress ways differently than Moses deems appropriate are actually supportive parents. Perhaps they’ve opened up dialogue about intention, about being safe, about peer pressure, about all of these things. Perhaps Jennifer Moses should try having a conversation in which she is silent and puts forth an effort to absorb things outside of her thought process. It could be difficult for her, but it could also be worthwhile.

You know, just perhaps.