What kind of man are you?

I recently watched a documentary called The Butch Factor, a film directed and pieced together by the obviously talented Christopher Hines. The tagline, which serves the film well, is, “What kind of man are you?” This is a surprisingly relevant question in the queer community. At only 76 minutes, the documentary profiles a series of men, talking to them about the stereotypes they face, what it meant for them to come out, and the journey of finding a place in the community in which they fully belong.

It’s funny how the universe works – sometimes exactly what you need falls in to your lap. Given to me by Peers for Pride’s director, Shane Whalley, I took way too much time to watch it. I’m the first to admit this. Often I can be found feeling way more overwhelmed than I should be, causing me to reject consuming anything other than what is directly required of me. Last week, I had two facilitations (one for a musicology class and another for an open public performance) and perhaps watching this documentary beforehand would have made me feel more prepared for whatever came my way. I didn’t have any moments in which I felt unprepared or misunderstood while facilitating, but it is always helpful to have an abundance of resources to think of. While I can definitely already relate to stereotypes and the struggle of finding a niche for myself, The Butch Factor is vitally informative in the most beautiful and surprising way, giving off an easily contagious glow of acceptance to anyone who watches it.

My monologue focuses on body image issues and how necessary it is to accept you for yourself. Specifically, my monologue is aimed at the issues gay men face and this documentary has the same focus, providing multiple examples from different men who have different and unique definitions of masculinity. These definitions have been created from their own experience and from the different people and activities that fill up their days. These men aimed to separate themselves from the rules of what being a man has meant in the past – something I think everyone should think about.

At one point during the film, one of the men interviewed offers a list of adjectives typically associated with being masculine, then a few words that challenge that. He ends his interview by saying, essentially, "I am everything." I must recommend this film whole-heartedly just as I must recommend that everyone make up their own rules about gender and sexuality and all other identities. To me, working so avidly to fit a mold is a waste of time.

A Random Question

I don't often blog, so I suppose I'll just talk about something that I've been contemplating for a while. We live in a world of mixed, and often times contradictory, messages:

"You should be happy with your body, but only when your thin."

"You should happy with yourself, but only if your conventionally beautiful."

"You should help others, but only if they're your equals."

But really what I want to talk about now is the question of self-image. How many out there don't have a healthy self-image? Probably too many to count. I wonder how many of those identify within the Queer community. I know for myself body image issues, "self-esteem"issues, and self-image issues have been a near constant, in my life. I've never wanted to be handsome; I've never wanted to be broad and tall; I've never wanted to be masculine in anyway, even stereotypical ones.

For those of us who live beyond or behind the mainstream world, how do we wrestle with issues of looks and self-love? Do we battle alone in a world that doesn't even pretend to tolerate us. A world where are bodies are invisible unless they are "beautiful" or un-"pass"-able. A world that does not cater to us or even notice we're there.

Or do we stand together to combat the incessant use of looks to control us? What does it mean for a Queer person to have a healthy self-image, or self-esteem? What does it mean when mirrors no longer haunt our lives?

We all have a life journey to live. We all have obstacles, roadblocks, impasses, and bumps that we have to get through. We all deal with issues larger than ourselves. And the only way to solve these issues is to talk about them. To talk openly and honestly about what we like or dislike about ourselves. To talk about the tragedies and triumphs of our lives. To talk about the problems we face and how we intend to face them.

Sorry if this sounds rambling, but I prefer talking to typing any day.