What kind of man are you?

I recently watched a documentary called The Butch Factor, a film directed and pieced together by the obviously talented Christopher Hines. The tagline, which serves the film well, is, “What kind of man are you?” This is a surprisingly relevant question in the queer community. At only 76 minutes, the documentary profiles a series of men, talking to them about the stereotypes they face, what it meant for them to come out, and the journey of finding a place in the community in which they fully belong.

It’s funny how the universe works – sometimes exactly what you need falls in to your lap. Given to me by Peers for Pride’s director, Shane Whalley, I took way too much time to watch it. I’m the first to admit this. Often I can be found feeling way more overwhelmed than I should be, causing me to reject consuming anything other than what is directly required of me. Last week, I had two facilitations (one for a musicology class and another for an open public performance) and perhaps watching this documentary beforehand would have made me feel more prepared for whatever came my way. I didn’t have any moments in which I felt unprepared or misunderstood while facilitating, but it is always helpful to have an abundance of resources to think of. While I can definitely already relate to stereotypes and the struggle of finding a niche for myself, The Butch Factor is vitally informative in the most beautiful and surprising way, giving off an easily contagious glow of acceptance to anyone who watches it.

My monologue focuses on body image issues and how necessary it is to accept you for yourself. Specifically, my monologue is aimed at the issues gay men face and this documentary has the same focus, providing multiple examples from different men who have different and unique definitions of masculinity. These definitions have been created from their own experience and from the different people and activities that fill up their days. These men aimed to separate themselves from the rules of what being a man has meant in the past – something I think everyone should think about.

At one point during the film, one of the men interviewed offers a list of adjectives typically associated with being masculine, then a few words that challenge that. He ends his interview by saying, essentially, "I am everything." I must recommend this film whole-heartedly just as I must recommend that everyone make up their own rules about gender and sexuality and all other identities. To me, working so avidly to fit a mold is a waste of time.

Mixed feelings...

Can I just say, I'm very excited to be sharing on the PFP blog. Whenever we were writing journals, it was really just between the reader and the author. This blog is between the author and whoever just so happens to be reading it. It feels really amazing to be apart of this group. As a senior who is graduating next semester, I felt that the pinnacle of my college career, joining Peers for Pride would be the ultimate way that I could work for my community; I feel apart of everything we've done, and I've even been able to include my other friends and open their eyes as well.

Speaking of opening eyes, one of the things we learned last semester were the numerous LGBTQIA media outlets, like the Advocate.com. Honestly, technology and I are "frienemies", sometimes we are good, and other times... It is refreshing to be able to read accurate information about issues confronting our community as can it be overwhelming to read so many stories at once. But I digress because what I want to express my frienemy relation with "Under the Boardwalk". Searching this results in youtube videos of The Drifters and Monopoly references. But on the Advocate, "Under the Boardwalk" is a reality TV show that can only be compared to the "LGBT Jersey Shore". See my dilemma/frienemy status? Let me explain:

If you have ever seen the show Jersey Shore, it is a high octane party fest between 20 somethings at the beach. They perpetuate the most obnoxious stereotypes of men and women, not to mention overtly sexist gender roles and brash heteronormative behavior. Think I'm making it up? Watch an episode and then come back to finish reading my blog post.

Can you see my dilemma yet? In watching the interview on the Advocate article, the potential cast members were really excited about putting themselves out there; they believed that it was their time to shine in the media world. Don't get me wrong, I am ALL FOR having queers identify themselves in the media, whether it be reality TV or acting. What I am completely against is only showing one side of the story: I don't want this to be a big "gay stereotype" fest and have people think, "Oh all queers are like this" or "Oh I can identify a gay/lesbian/bi/trans person by these characteristics." I don't want this show to put queers in a box, relabeling what it means to identify as LGBTQIA because it is different for all people; just like how Jersey Shore is suppose to "represent" the cross section of New Jersey young adults, I don't want viewers to think "Under the Boardwalk" represents the cross section of all queers.

That being said, what I would like to see on this show is the honest human personalities. Maybe see the cast members struggle with how they identify, to hear their story of coming out or if they are out to their parents and family members. If they have significant others or what careers they have, and if it is a struggle to hold a queer identity at their job. If there is debate about marriage or other political parties. YES!! YES!! I realize, it's a reality show, people are going to be partying but these issues should come out (literally and figuratively) whenever the personalities become really close or have had too much alcohol ;)

That's all for this post, lovely readers. Believe me if this show comes on, I will be updating all of y'all with my reactions.

-Nina aka the FemmeDeathTrap

A Gay Jersey Shore Situation

Bisexual celebrities

This week, the Advocate posted an article listing celebrities who were not straight but were also not exactly gay/lesbian either. 18 of the 20 people listed say they are bisexual (with one saying he's polyamorous/bisexual), while the other two identify as either "friendly" or queer.

Interestingly, bisexuality is the sexuality identity that is not publicized or "seen" as often as the other identities in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) acronym, so providing poster people for this infrequently talked-about sexual orientation is definitely a step in a good direction, I'd say.

You can read the Advocate article by clicking here: Not Gay, Not Lesbian, But...

And in case you don't want to click through all 21 slides to see who's on the list, here is the list of the 20 people, their claim to fame, their orientation, and where they said it. (To read the quote where they out themselves, you'll have to click on the article itself.)

• Megan Fox (actress) - Bisexual [ - Esquire Magazine]
• Duncan James (lead singer of boyband Blue) - Bisexual [ - Daily Mail] (pictured right)
• Lady Gaga (singer) - Bisexual - [Barbara Walters Interview]
• Sia (singer) - "Friendly" [ - The Advocate]
• Mika (singer) - Bisexual [ - Gay and Night Magazine]
• Ke$ha (singer) - Bisexual [ - Out.com]
• Michael Urie (actor, Ugly Betty) - Queer [ - The Advocate]

• Fergie (singer) - Bisexual [ - The Advocate]
• Jenna Jameson (porn star) - Bisexual [ - Rolling Stone]
• Mike Manning (reality TV star, The Real World D.C.) - Bisexual [ - Metro Weekly]
• Kristanna Loken (actress, Terminator 3) - Bisexual [ - AfterEllen.com] (pictured left)
  
• Andy Dick (actor, comedian) - Bisexual [ - Tyra Banks Interview]
• Madison Hildebrand (reality show personality, Million Dollar Listing) - Polyamorous/Bisexual [ - Edge Boston]

• Margaret Cho (actress, comedian) - Bisexual [ - The New York Times] (pictured right)
  
• David Bowie (singer) - Bisexual [ - Playboy]
• Michael Stipe (musician) - Bisexual [ - BBC News]
• Saffron Burrows (actress) - Bisexual [ - AfterEllen.com]
• Billie Joe Armstrong (musician, Green Day) - Bisexual [ - The Advocate]
• Ariel Stein (reality show personality, Miami Social) - Bisexual [ - Out.com]
• Alex Ebert (singer, Ima Robot) - Bisexual [ - Out ]

What [Else] Would You Do?

I thought this was interesting for many reasons.  It raises a lot of questions.  I worried that it wouldn't go well, but it seems more positive than I thought.  Still, I wonder what would happen in different situations.  What would have happened if they did the stunt with a feminine lesbian couple?  How about a couple of butch lesbians?  A couple of bears (large hairy gay men)?What if they had done it in a more southern state? 

I know, I'm criticizing something that is supposed to be helping the fight by getting the issue out there, but is it helping?  Is that even part of the motive or is it just for ratings?  I mean the host didn't even brush up on his what-is-offensive vocabulary.  What is a gay lifestyle anyway?  I don't think I have one.  I work a lot, go to school a lot, and don't get to see my boyfriend enough.  Not so glamorous.  Thanks John.  

Let's have some positivity, though, right?  I hate complaining and here I am doing it.  How 'bout them allies?  Weren't they great?  That's exactly what it means to be an ally; they stood up when they didn't have to.  I wish I were such a strong ally for other groups; it takes a lot of guts to call someone out.  I guess that's all I'll say about it for now.  I'm sure there are many other things that need to be said...

ejo