the Bi Closet

no, this is not a crude nickname for Tila Tequila's genitals, it is something a lot less talked about. For a lot of queers, the bi closet is more of a corridor from the (gay/lesbian) closet to the out, open and hopefully proud world of happiness and glitter. For some, ITS A MYTH! because bisexuality doesn't really exist, and is usually used as an excuse to love queerly but maintain straight-world privileges. For me, however, its the closet that I'm in right now, and its not really a bad place, but its kinda sucky.

I came out of the gay closet the summer of my freshman year of high school. It was rocky at first, but afterward it was AMAZING! My awesome parents worked to understand and accept me fully. I opened up and made tons of friends and met my boyfriend. I was THE proud gay guy and life was good.
*fast forward to college*
College is a time for self discovery and soul-searching. I was working in a bakery at the time, and one day, while day-dreaming and packaging cookies, I took a once-every-few-years self-analysis and came to the conclusion that I like girls too....I find them attractive....and it isn't the most far fetched idea that I could possibly, one day, in Theory Land be involved with one.....WHAT!?!?
But I'm the Proud Gay Guy....I already came out of the closet....I felt so welcomed and loved in the gay community, I'M IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BOY FOR GAGA'S SAKE!

Thanks to Peers for Pride, I've come to own my bisexuality on a personal level. I've also come to learn (via p4p) that non-monosexuality is a better umbrella term for bisexuality, but that's another blog and mind-f*$&&^*%$ for another day.

Now, for the reasons the bi-closet is 'sucky;'
FIRST is that that ALL closets are sucky. They force their inhabitants to hide themselves and build fears and worries of the 'out' world.
Second, here come the sex maniac images from both queers and heteros. The idea that all bisexuals are nymphomaniacs who cannot seem to be satisfied with a single set of parts. Its almost too embarrassing to come out to friends or dates for this reason.
THIRD, it seems that we're disowned by the lesbian/gay communities once we come out as bisexual. I suppose due the tension towards straight people and queers, it seems that 'BI' labels you as tainted with straight blood (the enemy's blood!) and all of sudden you're booted off of Fire Island.
FINALLY, the straight community automatically deems you Gay. just gay. totally negating the beautifully complex composition of wants, thoughts, expressions and desires that separate bisexuals from both the gay and straight community and make us special.

That's just what we are though, special. Special in that we can see beyond the limiting (for some) borders of gender (and gender expression) and see the person for their spirits and souls a little quicker and easier. Special in our combination of alternative and familiar. Special in that we can experience the best of both worlds,

yet unfortunate in that we get labeled with the what some name the worst.

Oh Onion! Why must you make me cry?

I picked up a copy of The Onion, that grand satirical news source we all love to hate and hate to love, and saw the word "gay" on the headline of the front page. My muscles clenched a bit, my mind froze in anticipation of anger and frustration, and my eyes wandered through the story. The headline was "Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian."

WTF Mate!?!?

The story chronicles a normal high school gay boy who has started to have strange feelings when walking past churches or watching the 700 Club. He is scared what might happen if comes out as a flaming fundamentalist. It is a complete 180 from the coming out we have all come to dread and love.

So why the tears? Mostly because I couldn't resist the pun. On a serious note, in its own fun-poking way, the Onion has given rise to an explanation that can finally explain to the public the coming out process without bringing up thoughts of anal sex, HIV, diesel dykes, and drag queens.

It makes me think of all the other ways I've had to come out that don't have to do with my sexuality (i.e. Jewish, a Billy Joel Fan, a liberal, a person who paints her toenails). So it is hard to take the Onion seriously, but seriosuly, they have a point.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_teen_worried_he_might_be

Stolen from Big Gay News

Because coming out makes a difference

"The mayor of San Diego testified Tuesday that his views on same-sex marriage evolved after he learned one of his daughters was a lesbian. Mayor Jerry Sanders took the witness stand on behalf of two same-sex couples suing to overturn Proposition 8, California’s voter-approved gay marriage ban. “I had been prejudiced,” he said. “I was saying one group of people did not deserve the same respect, did not deserve the same symbolism of marriage, and I was saying their marriages were less important than those of heterosexuals.” .. Washington Post

Where a sex change is free

"Cuba has begun performing state-sponsored sex-change operations after the government lifted a longtime ban on the procedure in 2007, President Raul Castro’s daughter said Tuesday. A sexologist and gay-rights advocate, Mariela Castro runs the Center for Sex Education, which prepares transsexuals for sex-change operations and identifies Cubans it deems ready for the procedure." .. Washington Post

NPR News on Obama at HRC Dinner and the March on Washington

"Despite Presidential Promises, Don't Ask Don't Tell Still Rules"

"Since Obama took office, more than 400 gay service members have been forced out of the military due to Don't Ask Don't Tell, but the president has yet to take action on his campaign promise to repeal the Pentagon policy. He'll address the annual dinner of the gay rights advocacy group Human Rights Campaign Saturday night, and he'll likely have some explaining to do."

Audio from this 10-10-09 NPR post available at:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113697970&ft=1&f=1014

Rep. Barney Frank (the first OUT member of Congress) says tomorrow's [5th] Queer march on Washington is a waste of time. If we want to get our reps on board, we really need to write them as constituents. That's what the top lobbies in the country (NRA and AARP) do and it obviously works for them.

However, I do think this march will be a great opportunity for visibility and "coming out." Hopefully, more people have come out since yesterday's National Coming Out Day. Family and friends of those previously closeted can no longer say "it doesn't affect anyone I care about," or, "I don't know any." When it becomes more personal, people think twice.

But it shouldn't have to be personal. I wish we could all learn to care about issues even when they don't affect us directly. Straight people should be fighting against homophobia. White people should be fighting racism. Men should be fighting sexism. "Able" people should be fighting ableism. Christians should be fighting religious oppression for other religions. Cisgender people should be fighting against "genderqueerphobia" and transphobia. Americans should fight for the oppressions against those of other nations. The list could go on. People of any privilege should be aware of the ways they direct privilege and how it affects others whose native identities deny them such privileges. We have to take care of each other because we can't all fight every social problem as individuals and small groups, though we can get some big things started.

So maybe this march will re-inspire activists, bring in new allies, and create visibility. It's unfortunate that many of the reps will be in their states for the "holiday" weekend comemorating the commencement of the genocide that founded this country.

The two NPR articles (links below) follow the story in more depth.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113699338&ft=1&f=1014

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113634899&ft=1&f=1014